The best days of my life...

The Ferrari Experience!

2006-10-26T05:01:00.000-07:00

I got seated in the black and yellow Ferrari. Schumacher slightly chuckled before he kick started his monster. Although I was too busy shuffling through the print out pages of my presentation, his chuckling made me feel slightly uneasy. Well, I anyway ignored it thinking that he must have been delighted to see a celebrity (!) like me riding on his vehicle (height of self admiration?). Sitting on the rear seat of his ‘Ferrari’ I was completely oblivious of the fact that this was going to be one of the most memorable (!) rides of my life. Oh btw before you start doubting the authenticity of this post [and start suspecting the (in)credibility of my stardom(!)] let me clarify that we are talking about Tiwari ji, the auto rickshaw driver who had a misconception that he was Michael Schumacher’s third cousin. (Obviously the Ferrari in question is the Auto Rickshaw of which Mr. Tiwari is proud owner.)

No sooner did the ride start, Tiwari ji turned ON ‘Radio City’ at a decibel level good enough to shake up Kumbhakarna from hibernation. Preparing for a presentation [for which I was not prepared at all] with Chainya Chainya in the background was just impossible. On a special request, Tiwari ji agreed to reduce the volume by a few tenths of decibels. Not that it was of much help but it still gave me some psychological satisfaction.

Tiwari ji was in full form now. Chhainya Chhainyya had perked him up and he was suddenly driving aggressively to take on the 10 ton loaded cement truck in his stride. Shivers ran through my spine the moment I realized that Tiwari ji’s Ferrari [and I] just escaped a brutal brush off by the truck driver. Running in the right most lane on his three wheeler TukTuk [oh I am sorry, I meant ‘Ferrari’) Tiwari ji was hell bent not to give way to any other vehicle on the road [ego issue?] I was sweating already… I sneaked the print outs back into my bag’s pocket and started waiting for Tiwari ji to slow down. With Radio City playing Raj Kapoor’s ‘Ek Din mit jaayega maati ke mol’ in the background now, I was almost convinced that Tiwari ji would have partnered with Radio City for OUR journey to heaven [well I guess hell would suit him the best!).

Suddenly there was a pothole on the road and Tiwari [gosh… I did not feel like calling him Tiwari ‘ji’ any more) suddenly lifted his butt from his seat! ‘DHAMM!’ was a sound. But it was too late to realize that Tiwari did not give me enough notice to raise my back from the seat. I was restless by now. I just wanted to get off the ‘Ferrari’ that very net moment. But my ego pulled me back. ‘Gosh… am I afraid of an auto rickshaw ride? I am most certainly going to be a laughing stock if I ever told anyone that I was afraid of riding on an auto rickshaw’, chain of thoughts passed my mind. I mumbled something and made it a point to hang around and hold the iron side bar tightly. In any case the last thing now I wanted to do was distract Tiwari, the Schumacher from driving and face another ‘DHAMM!’.

If a good thing always comes to an end, a bad thing does come to an end too. I reached my destination [Finally!]… but not before Tiwari ‘ji’ did enough damage to his Ferrari [and to my ego]. ‘Bhaiyya hamraa naam hai P. K. Tiwari. Agar aap ko kal phir jaana ho to hamkaa mobile phunvaa par kaal de dijiyega, hum aa jaayenge. Tanik hamraa number likhiye na…’

Damn!!

Can you?

2006-04-13T01:24:00.000-07:00

German colleague: Hey why is no one picking up phone in Bangalore office?
Fundoo: Oh yeah, they have declared a day off today.
German colleague: Really? Why? Good Friday is only tomorrow. Today is Thursday!
Fundoo: Well, that’s because there have been some riots in the city.
German colleague: Riots? Oh My God! What happened? Terrorist attack?
Fundoo: Ah! Come one… nothing like that buddy, take it easy. *trying to avoid answering*
German colleague: But I had an important conference call with folks back in India! *somewhat worried*
Fundoo: Hey don’t worry mate. Everything will be ok in a couple of days.
German colleague: But what has happened! *now he is being very persistent*
Fundoo: Well… one of the famous celebrities, Raj Kumar died yesterday.
German colleague: Hmmm… *eagerly waiting for further explanation*
Fundoo: *Quiet. His facial expression says, ‘yeah, that’s all’*
German colleague: So?
Fundoo: So what? So there was a riot.
German colleague: Whatttttt?!! But what’s connection?
Fundoo: Umm… Err… mmmmmmm… well…

I can’t explain this to my German colleague. Can you?

*Ashamed*

ABCV - American Born Confused Videsi

2006-03-23T02:45:00.000-08:00

Location: McDonald’s counter somewhere in the US

Customer 1: One veggie burger and coke please.
McDonald sales boy: Would you like to have some fries with this sir?
Customer 1: Yes please

Customer 2: Three Burgers and two strawberry milkshakes please.
McDonald sales boy: Would you like to have some fries with this sir?
Customer 2: No thanks

Customer 3: …… some order ……
McDonald sales boy: Would you like to have some fries with this sir?
Customer 3: Yes please

..
..
..

Customer N: …… some order ……
McDonald sales boy: Would you like to have some fries with this sir?
Customer 3: Yes please

Customer N+1: Two large fries please
McDonald sales boy: Would you like to have some fries with this sir?
Customer N+1: Duh!!

The profound American dumbness?

Some things just don't change!

2006-03-09T01:20:00.000-08:00

If you haven’t laughed hard for a while, I recommend you tune into Doordarshan’s live coverage of the parliament proceedings. I am sure you’d have more fun watching our respected(!) politicians in action than some class performances in a mindless Govinda movie. Now if you don’t trust me read the testimony below and you’d be left with no choice but to agree with me. Oh and btw this post is not meant to sound derogatory to any political party in particular. All of them are alike. They have achieved such a low moral nadir that it is impossible to derogate them any further.

The funniest part on the parliament telecast is to see the opposition party in action. Opposition bole to those who oppose… regardless of a proposal being good or bad that is! If finance minister brings in a harsh budget, the opposition says the ruling party doesn’t care about the common men. And if the budget happens to be a good budget, the opposition says the ruling party is trying to be populist. Ruling party brings in women’s reservation bill. The opposition opposes (obviously. How can we forget the definition of ‘opposition’ so soon?) The tables turn and opposition comes to power the next time. The same party passes women’s reservation bill and claims some brownie points for being so considerate about country’s women!

Parties fights election furiously against each other. They ooze venom at every possible public forum. They never leave any opportunity of mudslinging each other. And after elections they become best of friends. After all ministerial position (read opportunity to make millions) is at stake!

A journalist manages to records misdeeds of a minister on a CD. The minister in question makes every possible effort to not let this video recording be shown to public. The Supreme Court agrees. Why? Wasn’t his attempt to not let others see the CD tantamount to hiding some of his wrong doings? Why would the minister be afraid of letting people see this and come out clean otherwise?

A high profile minister’s son kills Jessica in broad day light. The eye witnesses confirm the son’s wrongdoings. The son immediately flees. The powerful minister manages to buy 7 long years and ensures legal system’s mockery. In the mean time all the witnesses change their statements (suddenly!). A witness on one fine day tells the court that Mr. A is the killer. The same witness after 7 years says that Mr. A is not killer (anymore!). And the court believes the witness (yet again!). Many questions remain unanswered though. The question is why does the court not agree to the witness earlier and why it agrees to the witness now? If the minister’s son was innocent then why did he flee in first place? Isn’t witness’s memory supposed to be better when the killing had just happened than after 7 years of the incident? Has the corruption not spares The Supreme Court of the country too?

The foreign minister is accused of corruption. He loses his ministry. That’s all! Shouldn’t a person disrespectful to one of the most prestigious leadership positions of the country be entitled to a more stringent punishment? They are supposed to lead by example but the only example they present is of corruption. I suggest they should be hanged to death. But unfortunately all that can be expected is a committee being set up to ‘investigate’ the issue. The committee will take some 15 years to table the report. And if the report would be accepted only if it is suitable to the honorable(!) minister (if he is still alive that is).

Dawood Ibrahim is a don. And I don’t say this alone, Interpol says the same too. He is accused of almost every possible heinous crime that one can think of. Our dear(!) Mr. Ram Jethmalani (who also happens to be a minister in the current government) would be Mr. Dawood Ibrahim’s lawyer!! He says it is his profession to defend his ‘clients’. I would say it is the government’s profession to nab the criminal who calls it is his profession to defend a criminal. Does Mr. Jethmalani have no moral ground? Or does he still think that a man is innocent till he is proven guilty? He doesn’t think that a person called criminal by the Interpol is guilty yet. I am sure Mr. Jethmalani is going to become a rich man soon. Mine and yours and millions of tax payers’ money that is in Dawood’s pockets today would soon find its way to Mr. Jethmalani’s account. (Unless he prefers cash only! :p) Kudos Mr. Professional a.k.a. Mr. Jethmalani.

Well well… guess I have vented out enough frustration here. High time I cut it short.

Some things just don't change. Phew!

The King of Bloggywood!

2006-03-06T03:39:00.000-08:00

I had this weird thought this morning… Imagine if your Phirang colleague walks up to you some day and asks you to explain meaning of some of the bollywood lyrics? May be she visited an Indian restaurant and heard some bollywood number there? Being curious from birth she suddenly becomes interested in understanding what she just heard and starts bugging you! What do you do?

Say, she heard “Chadh gaya oopar re, atariya pe lautan kabootar re…” and asked you what that meant? Damn… what do you say? A piegaon climbs on the roof top and…? Duh!

Ok, think of her bumping into the Govinda number; “Jab tak rahega samosey me aloo… tera rahoonga o’ meri Shaloo” How do you explain the lyrics? I will remain yours Shaloo... (but only!) as long as potato remains in samosa? And btw how do you explain him what a samosa is?

And how about, “Goli maat bheje me… bheja shor karta hai… bheje ki sunega to marega kallu… tu karega doosra bharega kallu… mamaa kallu mamaa.” – Shoot in the brain, brain is making noise? [Hey Ram… koi een imported items ko bachao!]

If you do not have anything better to do in life and wish to contribute to this madness, you are most welcome! The participant with the highest number of contributions would be declared The King of Bloggywood!

Hurry up… offer open till the blog lasts. :p

You've got NO m@il

2006-03-03T01:28:00.000-08:00

Tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk… tadaak…. tuk tuk tuk… tadaak…

Login and password entered. The yahoo mail page was taking ages to load. 4 complete seconds to be precise! (Ok that was an exaggerated version, just to indicate the degree of desperation I had to check my emails then.) The page finally loaded in the browser. First to load was the Shaadi.com advertisement that had occupied more than half the visible area on the screen. Now I would generally not care for what loads in that advertising space but this damsel figuring in the ad was beautiful! It was just impossible to ignore those looks. Khair, the title of the ad said, “Looking for a life partner?” and the only thing I could think of was, “No thank you, I am looking for my emails.”. After 9 seconds of agony(!) my email page loaded. But what the heck! All I could see was “Welcome, Fundoo! You have 0 unread messages”.

Zero messages? What the ****?!! Haan?!! No emails? Not even a forwarded junk? No no… I don’t believe this. Something must be wrong. Probably Yahoo server is down? But on second thought, common sense dawned on me. One can not log in if the server were down. Duh! Oh may be the page shown on my machine is a stale one, from cache memory. F5… F5… ‘Refresh’… ‘Refresh’… the outcome? The same old, “Welcome, Fundoo! You have 0 unread messages”. This was frustrating.

*I sighed* How come I didn’t get even a single email even after having subscribed to as many as 8 yahoogroups? Where have those software pros (supposedly pros that is!); who spend six out of 12 months on bench and who keep forwarding silliest of attachments without even a second thought to the poor recipients, disappeared? How come I didn’t get even a single email even after spamming so many mailboxes with my junk, long, boring to death forwards? Not even a return email to take revenge? What about those Ganesha and Krishna prayers that keep floating in the cyberspace… the ones which if you don’t forward to 10 other mailboxes can harm you? (Not that I ever read such emails but what the heck… these are good for spamming mailboxes of folks on whom you would have carried a grudge for a long time.) And what happened to those santa banta jokes? Those were my last hopes.

My hopes were trashed. The ‘0’ prevailed the whole day. All I ended up doing that day was overusing the F5 key of the keyboard just to find the same old screen and kept waiting to hear, ‘You’ve Got M@ail”! *sigh*

Does this happen to you too?? *Tell me yes... plssss. Let me feel better. *

Tum bin...

2006-02-28T23:31:00.000-08:00

Year-books were being filled up ardently. Gifts were being exchanged heartily. Old times were being remembered fondly. Corners of the eyes were being wiped silently. Parting ways after the two long years of ‘jugalbandi’ wasn’t easy. It felt as if every corner of the class room was crying to see him go… the empty paraphernalia of once rocking hostel suddenly had a graveyard like peace… the 3 common bathrooms that used remain busy at almost all times suddenly had no occupants… the canteen where he had spend umpteen number of hours suddenly was craving for occupants.

Hum was taking away a zillion memories. The waste papers on which he must have scribbled a million notes… the broken sharpener which had been his companion since class X… the broken glass of the ventilator window that used to work as a natural air conditioner in his hostel room… the old water bucket that he had used N number of times to drench birthday boys… the remote control of old Videocon TV in the lobby whose volume button never worked… the cricket gear which he loved more than his life… the wardrobe whose lock was never existent… the fan regulator that could regulate fan only in binary mode… and Tum, who by now had become more than a part of him.

A chain of thoughts caught him in a whirl of emotions… He knew that he’ll be away in an alien country very soon… he’ll have a high profile job… he’ll have a handsome dollar salary… he’ll have a company sponsored car… he’ll have a plush apartment in the middle of Manhattan… and… he’ll also have that vacuum created by Tum’s absence!

"Does parting always have to be so difficult?” he asked himself.

Do you understand?

2006-02-23T01:32:00.000-08:00

Do you understand the logic behind being online on yahoo messenger and showing busy status? ‘Busy’ chatting? If one can be busy chatting then one be busy eating and sleeping too. So when would you NOT be busy?

Do you understand the logic behind burning shops and beating up people by Bajrang Dal and Shiv Sena on Valentine's day? Guess this is the best job they can get for a hundred rupees cash and a half bottle of desi-daroo. And besides matoshree’s command has to be followed, no matter how pig-headed and senseless it is, eh?

Do you understand the logic behind saas-bahoo sequels running for years together and still being so popular?

Do you understand the logic behind Korean friends catching diarrhea even after drinking only mineral water in India?

Do you understand the logic behind Fundoo being gaayab from the blog world for months together and then suddenly resurfacing?

Ahem!

Breaking news!

2006-01-01T05:34:00.000-08:00

Late addition:

The contract with CNBC is over. They contract money has exhausted and hence no more Fun-Da-Mental on their website. :p

The Original post

It is learnt that India's N0. 1 Business Media CNBC TV-18 has recently signed a MOU with Fundoo Inc. for using their Fun-Da-Mental brand on their website moneycontrol.com. When contacted, the promoter of the Fun-Da-Mental brand, Mr. Fundoo refused to divulge any details of the deal. The sources close to Fundoo have however indicated that this could be the biggest deal in the history of busines till date. The moneycontrol.com website has already started using the brand Fun-Da-Mental, albeit with some customization to meet their business need.

For more information please visit www.moneycontrol.com. Check the top center of the page.

:D

Konglish anyone?

2005-12-25T23:24:00.000-08:00

Scene 1: Coffee with Kor(e)an
Korean Colleague: So do you guy cook everyday? (At once it felt as if he was referring to the holy gaay (cow, for the uninitiated) when he said ‘guy’ instead of ‘guys’.
Fundoo: Ah no no. We usually cook only on weekends. We don’t get much time on week days you see.
Korean Colleague: I see. So you guy must be very tired everyday. (Yes out gaay in India gets tired but not us. Grrr…)
Fundoo: *Formal Smile*
Korean Colleague: I see. (again!)
Fundoo: *Enjoying his coffee*
Korean Colleague: So who is the better cooker among three of you?
Fundoo: *Stunned*

[*Marlex? Prestige? What was it?*]

Scene 2: Rendezvous with Korean
Korean collegue: *Looks at his laptop screen and starts laughing insanely*
Fundoo: *Blank face*
Korean collegue: My friend… he just emailed me asking how is “Bibeth” doing. *Continues laughing*
Fundoo: *Customary smile*
Korean Colleague: I have to tell him that his name is not “Bibeth”, his name is “Bibek”.
Fundoo: *Blank*

[We were talking about Vivek! :O)]

Scene 3: Yee-mail from Korean
Email reads:

Dear Fundoo-chha-ja-nim (that’s how they address ppl here :-),

Here I inform you that the jong-pil pong will be holiday on yesterday. So please assign the some work for the yesterday to me and him. I will sent you timesheet for approval. please kindly be informed of this. the documentation is complete yesterday and the jong pil have to go out with me so you are kindly invited to join. thank you very much in advance

thank you,
KC (Korean Colleague)

[*LOST! Cryptography anyone? Need some help*]

Morale of the story
I am forgetting Hinglish and picking up Konglish. So if my posts do not make sense hereafter you know who to blame. :D

Dear Mr. Civil Aviation Minister

2005-12-16T05:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Civil Aviation Minister,

Indian Airlines will now be called “Indian”! But why? I strained my already scant brain cells… I tried to gather intelligence from every possible source… I tried to make up a good story why this should happen but all my attempts failed miserably. I am sure you are as clueless as I am but you at least had an opportunity to pose on front pages of The Economic Times on the day of inauguration. Poor me!

You and your politician colleagues possess this phenomenal perennial idiosyncrasy. How do you all manage to make irrational and unreasonable (‘weird’ probably fits well in the context) decisions, time after time, consistently? In fact you and your colleagues seem to have a penchant for changing names in particular. Bombay to Mumbai, Madras to Chennai, Calcutta to Kolkata, Sahar Airport to Chhatrapati Shivaji Airport, Mumbai VT to Mumbai Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, Bangalore to Bangalooru (did I spell this correctly?) and the list goes on and on. Going by this track record, make over of the national airline from ‘Indian Airlines’ to ‘Indian’ was hardly a surprise to us.

But dear Mr. Civil Aviation Minister, this question, ‘Why?’ kept me sleepless through the night. I tried to understand the logic and it suddenly dawned to me that probably your decision to change the name could be a panacea to all the problems that the national carrier is facing. Just change name from Indian Airlines to Indian and it will start making profit again. Just change name from Indian Airlines to Indian and it will win back the entire market share that it has lost to private players. Just change the name from Indian airlines to Indian and the politicians will stop misusing the national carrier. Just change name from Indian Airlines to Indian and its service levels and credibility will automatically rise to zenith. Just change name from Indian Airlines to Indian and the efficiency and morale of the staff will top the charts. Whoa! So much with just a name change!

You are such a genius dear Mr. Civil Aviation Minister. How did you manage to come up with this solution? I am sure you have erected a new stepping stone in the history of turn around of an airline. Won’t be surprised if British Airways will be called “British” and Air France would be called “Air” some day. All it needs is dropping a word from the name after all eh?

Fundoo.

Negotiation is the word!

2005-12-06T16:38:00.000-08:00

I borrowed (plagiarized is the word) from a friend's blog (without her permission!):

"In life, you do not get what you deserve. You only get what you negotiate for!"

Apparently this was quoted by one of our professors who used to teach us negotiation skills! No wonder! But I am impressed (mesmerized is the word)!

Late addition:
After due negotiations with the original author of the quote, this author has agreed to post a link to this otherwise anonymous friend of his from whom this quote was stolen. Now you know... the quote is much more than a quote!! Negotiation works... well... only negotiation works!

Fundoo Daal and Rice

2005-12-05T05:43:00.000-08:00

Colleague: Dude, what’s the plan for dinner?
Fundoo: You are the head chef. I am ready to eat whatever you cook. :P
Colleague: Well tried! But I am not cooking.
Fundoo: Yaar please, just daal, rice and sabzi will do.
Colleague: Bass? How about gajar ka halwa and samosa too? *frowning*
Fundoo: Ok, I’ll help cutting onions, promise. *chuckles*
Colleague: I am NOT cooking. *NOT was said quite strongly*
Fundoo: How about just daal and rice?
Colleague: I am going to Indian restaurant, you want to tag along?
Fundoo: Ok you prepare daal, I’ll prepare rice, deal?
Colleague: How long will it take you to reach there?
Fundoo: Abey, it’s so cold outside. You’ll fall sick. *made last attempt*
Colleague: Ok, so you are not coming?
Fundoo: Damn… what time?
Colleague: Be there by 8:30. I’ll make it directly from office too.
Fundoo: Bugger… it’s already 8:40 now.
Colleague: Oh shakks… hurry, the last order is taken at 9!
Fundoo: Oh good!!! Err… I mean… well… I don’t think we can make it in-time.
Colleague: See you in 10 mins… *not ready to relent in anyway, hangs up the phone*
Fundoo: *Rushes and gets into the subway train*

*It takes 2 train stations, little over 10 minutes to reach the Indian restaurant*

Fundoo: *Takes him 6 stations and little over 25 mins. How he wished he had not taken the train in wrong direction. :-*
Colleague: *Frustrated by now coz the restaurant was closed*
Fundoo: I told you daal, rice was a better option. Khalli fukkat you made me come all the way.
Colleague: Say one more word and I’ll throw you out of the train.
Fundoo: Oh! Guess it’d be too cold outside. Is it ok if I carry my jacket along? :p
Colleague: Man! You are such a useless fellow. No point talking to you.
Fundoo: But why? Aren’t useless fellows good at nothing but talking? :p
Colleague: Grrrrrrrrrr… will keep you blabber mouth shut for a while?

Fundoo: *Understands the gravity of the situation and keeps mum for while*

*After a while… in the kitchen… after every 5 mins*

Colleague: Abbeyyyy… kya kar rahaa hai? Cut onions into smaller pieces.
Colleague: Abbeyyyy… kya kar rahaa hai? Cut tomatoes into larger pieces.
Colleague: Abbeyyyy… kya kar rahaa hai? Why are you adding oil to rice?
Colleague: Abbeyyyy… kya kar rahaa hai? Why did you add tomatoes to raw daal?
Colleague: Abbeyyyy… kya kar rahaa hai? Turmeric powder in rice? Idiot!
Colleague: Abbeyyyy…kya kar rahaa hai? Get lost. I’ll do it myself.

Fundoo: *Happy Happy! The trick worked.* :D

Ekshkooj mee!

2005-12-01T06:20:00.000-08:00

It has been almost a month since I scribbled anything on my blog. Now it is cursory to apologize when you have been away from the blog for a while. And then this apology is supposed to be followed by a list of excuses justifying the long absence. (And why not? The ‘come-back’ has to happen in ishtayil right?) Now I, being an ardent blogger, have to adhere to the norms. But blame it on my somewhat weaker brain or almost non-existent literary skills(!); even after 1 hour of brainstorming I just couldn’t come up with one ‘good’ excuse for my long absence from the blogdome. Uff! Here is a list of excuses that I stole from some other blogs. (yeah yeah, plagiarism is the name! :D) You get the liberty to pick the most befitting one. :p

I was too busy with work and had absolutely no time even to breathe. (Oops… too mundane and cliché…)
I was away for Diwali holidays. (Oops sorry, Diwali got over 3 weeks back. Gosh!)
I was facing writer’s block. Just didn’t know what to write. (As if the post here were ever thoughtful!)
I got bored of blogging so took a break. (Umm… somewhat reasonable eh?)
I had no inspiration to write. (White lie! I was never inspired to write. I started blogging just because I could speak without needing a listener.)
I had taken a break for 28 days and 9 hours. (Ahem! Good time management indeed!)
I have decided to quit blogging. I am here just to say good bye. (Impossible! Who else would listen to my crap? :-/)

If you are still not convinced, kindly help me find a good excuse. Should I need to write this apology post yet again in future, I promise to recognize your contribution by listing your name in bold and CAPS. :p

For the time being ekshkooj-mee. :D

Mein aur mera blog...

2005-11-02T05:31:00.000-08:00

This is dedicated to all the friends I have made in past one year of my existance in blogdome. Had never thouht this blog will last for so long! But thanks to you all, my worthless pieces of text have always received too much undeserved respect and attention. :-) Oh btw, you are warned to read this at your risk... you are not allowed to throw any jootey, chappal and tamaatars if what is written here doesn't make sense... it never does, you know that right? :D And besides I am sick of tamaatars now; if throwing somethig becomes too irresistible, you are requested to throw mangoes and chocolates. :p

To arz kiya hai...

Mein aur mera blog, aksar ye baatein karte hain
Agar mein blog na likhta to kaisa hota? Agar mein crap ka kaheta kaisa hota?

Na hoti posts aur na hotey toasts
Na hoti comments aur na dher sare dosts

Na hoti wo tension aur na milta attention
Koi to bataa de, how to get perfection?

Likhna agar start na karta office me mein kuchh kaam toh karta
Kaam ki hui aisi ki taisi, roz karo mauj, roz hee masti

Jootey chappal aur tamaatar, sabne maarey sharm hataa kar
Jootey ki jo kholoon dukaan, chal padegi ‘o’ mere yaar

Dost ban gaye raahon mein, Zindagi ke een saalon mein
Safar suhana ban gaya jab raah dikhaayi raahon ne

Log aate hain muskuraate hain, jaate jaate yaadein chhod jaate hain
Kuchh phir laut kar aate hain, kuchh yaadon me hee rahe jaatey hain

Mein hoon raahi mastaana, blogger hoon ek deewana
Fundoo ko gar na maana to life me tuney kya jaana! :-)

What's in a name?!

2005-10-13T18:52:00.000-07:00

One of my colleagues was recently blessed with a baby. This was her first day in office after the maternity leave. (ok fully paid 3 month maternity leave that is… we will debate this issue of maternity and paternity leave some other time. :p Let me not sound like a MCP-Male Chauvinistic Pig. :p) There was this usual atmosphere in the office, people gathering around her desk, looking at the newborn’s photographs and making comment after comment!

“Aww… cho chweet! She is looking just like you. Bilkul maa par gayi hai.”
“Arey nahin re… I think her nose is more like her father.”
“But see see her smile is just like her mom’s.”

Now for god’s sake can someone tell me, how can anybody on this earth, just by looking at a photograph of 3 month old baby find out that her nose looks like her father’s?! :O) In fact, I have never understood the funda of finding out how a baby of this size in anyway could ‘look’ similar to someone who is at least 10 or 20 times bigger in size! Duh! Well may be some people are good at it but I must admit that ‘d fail miserably even if I am given two photographs of the same person and asked to confirm if they are one and the same. I’d be skeptical. (Yeah yeah, no kidding! )

“What’s her name?”
“Sushma”
“Awww… such a nice name. So cuuuuuuuute.”

Now can some tell me what is so ‘cute’ about someone’s name being Sushma? (Apart from a politician sharing this name… which I don’t think is cool enough a reason to use so many ‘U’s in CUTE. Duh!)

Well well well… I must confess here that whether it may make sense to me or not, these gestures certainly strike a chord with the parents in question for sure! Guess it’s a human tendency to like to hear good thing about oneself, what say? (Ok ok, I don’t intend to show off my knowledge of human psychology ok. :D) These things may not make sense to some jerks (like me) but they mean so much to the parents… in any case, kahene me kya harz hai? :p

*Readers of this blog (if any) especially the new parents, kindly don’t plan to kill me. Any relevance to real life situations was purely intentional and was only to show off my observations and not to denounce the merit of comments quoted in the post. Last but not the least any attempt made at humor(if any) on this blog is perennially classified in the category of ‘pathetic attempts’, hence you are strongly advised not to waste you rotten tomatoes and eggs if you think these PJs suck. They are meant to.* :D

Easiest tag ever...

2005-10-11T17:25:00.000-07:00

Voila! Both Aparna and Deez tagged me with the same tag!! And guess what? I just grabbed the opportunity. Na na… not that I am a tag-writing-freak… just that its been long after I have actually found a somewhat easier tag. :D I have anyway been touted as lousy tag responder so this was a good opportunity for me to wash my sins in ganga jal. :D

The tag says that I am supposed to reproduce the fifth line of the 23rd post on my blog! Simple, ain’t it? At first thought, I felt I was saved… I might now have written 23 posts yet anyway… but alas, my blog appears to have more posts than I thought I have! :O)

The rules of the tagging game were:

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 other people to do the same.

Ok so here is the 5th line from my 23rd post. The post is titled. “I survived it…” had written this some time back when I experienced first earth quake of my life in Japan!

“We were supposedly having lunch at Bill’s home and Melinda had prepared Indian food for me.”

Oh yeah I was talking apna Bill bhaiyya... arey Microsoftwalla yaar... :p Ok ok… I know quite a few of you would have already started calling me phekoo… but yeah I really had this conversation with Bill and Melinda. Don’t believe me? Check this out:

http://fun-da-mental.blogspot.com/2005_02_01_fun-da-mental_archive.html

Oh btw thanks Apu and Deez for giving me this opportunity to pounce onto a tag (like never before!)… Feeling better today for having responded to a tag without thinking too much! :D Plagiarism from my own blog… not bad at all. :p

Time now to follow point number 5 of the tagging instructions. :D (Read revenge time :p). I would have loved to tag some innocent souls in the blogsville but then I can't be so cruel to my unsuspecting friends you see. Jaao maaf kiya... I am not going to tag anyone for this! :p

Bhejitediyan phood...

2005-10-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

“Oh! So you eat only bhejitadiayan phood?”, asked boss.

“Yeah”, I replied promptly.

“Ok no problem. You will get shome good bhejitadiyan things at Korean restaurant”, he said with full confidence.

“Oh really?” I was delighted. More so because I would now be able to give befitting answer to the devils who had scared me to death with their Korean food stories. “Bhookha mar jaayega”, “Daane daane ke liye taras jaayega”, “Vegetarian in Korea? You must be kidding.”, “Convert ho jaa convert”… damn! All I wanted to do was finish this dinner asap and shoot an email to these buggers (read my friends.). I suddenly had inrush of good feeling for Korean food.

Our gang arrived at ‘The Korea Palace’. The restaurant was palatial. The good looking waitresses complemented the equally good interiors of the restaurant. The sight at the restaurant entrance was a put off though. Live fishes and crabs floating in those glass aquariums at the entrance did not make a pleasant sight for sure. They were supposed to be eaten fresh. Yukk… The sudden inrush of the good feeling had suddenly started diminishing. Believe me, it was too awkward to hold handkerchief on nose while entering the restaurant but I had no choice! I was still hopeful. So what if they serve fish, there must be some vegetarian food at least!

Menu cards arrived. My Korean counter parts were busy ordering stuff. They were determined to make most out of the ‘opportunity’ at hand. After all one can’t afford to eat The Korea Palace everyday! They finished ordering their grub. The waitress was waiting. All eyes were glued on me. Not too sure what was going on in their mind? May be they thought I was connoisseur of Korean food and hence was taking my own time? Or may be I was acting smart and taking time just to show off that I was some hi-fi consultant who is always different from the ‘crowd’? Or may be why does thia bugger not order… I am dying of hunger. Unfortunately nthird one appeared to be true then. Duh! I was still hunting for some vegetarian dish. The only vegetarian dish I could find was “Korean salad (special Korean salad prepared with cabbage, carrots and mayonnaise) – 13000 KRW”, duh!

“Do you not like phish? You can try Tuna.”, boss made a suggestion now.

It was only 47 minutes ago that I had enlightened him about my vegetarianism. How on the earth can someone be so dumb. May be he should go to hell and let me get out of this (hell) too.

“But I am a vegetarian.”, I tried to sound polite.

“Yes yes, they prepare Tuna in special bhejitediyan oil”.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…….. %^^$#%@$%$^

:-(

This place...

2005-09-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

The infrastructure is amazing… this place rocks!
The food is worse than pathetic… this place sucks!

The people are very hard working… this place rocks!
The people make you work hard too… this place sucks!

The language here is rich… this place rocks!
You don’t understand a bit of it… this place sucks!

You get 2 days off per week… this place rocks!
You need to work from home on these two days… this place sucks!

You get a plush apartment to live for free… this place rocks!
You are never free to spend time in this apartment… this place sucks!

Yahoo messenger is not blocked… this place rocks!
There is no time to chat… this place sucks!

You get a sleek CDMA mobile phone… this place rocks!
You don’t understand how to use this phone… this place sucks!

The dwarf population makes you feel tall… this place rocks!
Their workaholic habits make you feel dwarf… this place sucks!

Welcome to Korea!

Amber lights and loud sirens

2005-09-19T04:01:00.000-07:00

It was 6 p.m. on a windy evening. (ok that ‘windy’ part is author’s imagination. You can safely ignore it.) Bus stop was jam packed, there was no bus in the vicinity and the traffic was moving at a tortoise pace. (Thankfully it was moving!) Suddenly an ambulance came into sight and the stopped in front of the bus stop. ‘Majestic, majestic, majestic…’, shouted the cleaner. The people by now were frustrated waiting for the bus and were ready to take any vehicle that took them to majestic bus depot. (So was I!)

Around 15 of us settled(!) in the white colored matador. The cleaner ordered the ‘patients’ to close the windows. The amber flash light was ON now and so was the loud siren. Some people gave way thinking that they are contributing for a noble cause by helping save someone’s life. Some people did not give way thinking that it was ok to let someone die in exchange of reaching majestic on-time. Some people misused ambulance’s siren to make way for themselves. The driver did his best to convince the pedestrians that he indeed was the savior of a critically ill soul in his ambulance. He honked, he ran on wrong side of the road, he broke traffic lights and he reached majestic within 20 minutes!! Believe me the fastest ride would have taken at least 1 hour.

We reached before time, people were happy, they got off the ambulance with a winning smile; handing over 5 rupees to the cleaner. I got off the vehicle but for some reason a feeling of guilt seeped inside me. Misuse of a facility or to put it in crude terms making fun of the privilege provided by the authorities was something left my conscious biting me. On the other hand apathy of people who did not care to give way to an ambulance created a wave of hatred in my mind. Have we become so selfish that we can’t care for someone’s life too? Or did these people already know that this ambulance siren was farce? We are in for a grim future if the latter is true. Imagine what would happen if people will start distrusting and ignoring these amber lights and sirens? The system would collapse and the only way out for a ‘patient’ would be to die on the road. And god forbid, if one such patient happens to be one of your loved ones; you would never be able to forgive yourself.

High time we started respecting the amber lights and loud sirens, eh?

Free lunch...

2005-09-06T02:45:00.000-07:00

“Can you explain the significance of adjusted R-squared in a multiple regression technique?”, asked prof.

*No reply. Busy looking into his laptop and furiously typing something in the yahoo messenger window*

“YOU… in blue T-shirt… I am asking you.”, prof sounded a bit harsh this time.

*No reply. Typing continues. Occasional smile on his face left the prof somewhat frustrated*

“PROF JUST ASKED YOU SOMETHING” – an IP message pops on my screen

Woooopppzzzzz… That was my classmate sitting next to me.

I suddenly looked up and found whole class staring at me. :- I had absolutely no clue what the answer was! One needs to know the question first to be able to answer it right?

“Ummmm… uhhhhh….”

This was embarrassing. I was about to apologize when another message popped up… “SAY… adjusted R-squared is used to indicate extent of correlation between independent and dependent variables.”

Looked into the screen and said ditto.

“Good”, said prof.

“Hmphhhhhhhh… thanks dudette. You saved me”, I wrote back once the danger (read prof) was away.

“No probs. It’s my turn to chat now. You’ll keep a watch on him now. :D ”

Duh!!!!!!!!!

Moral of the story
There is nothing called a free lunch.

Book-O-Phobia!!

2005-09-01T03:37:00.000-07:00

I have been hiding for a long time now. Didn’t want people to know my pathetic reading habits(!). Well actually that exclamation mark says a lot, doesn’t it? :D But Chutki sure that my well kept secret will not reamin secret any more. I am book tagged! Ok let me at least make an attempt to answer the questions here…

Books I own

Umm… damn! I can’t think of any names other than the management gyan books that were forced upon me. :O) Well, I guess “How to make toasts and speeches” is the only book I can claim to have possessed ever in my life. Actually this book was purchased by my dad some three decades ago. The ownership has been recently transferred to me. Uff… thanks dad… at least I have something to write about here. :D

Last few books I bought

:

Last book that was gifted to me

Ok there is one book… “Scotland” – This was gifted to me when I was leaving Scotland. Beautiful pictures of the Scottish landscape and brief history of Scottish origin and a lot of weight… a gift couldn’t have been better than this! In fact I should have included this one in the “Books I own” part too.

Last few books that I have read

Not a penny more not a penny less – Jeffery Archer
This is probably the only novel I have ever read completely. Awe inspiring must say!

Asterix
If this comic script can be counted as a book, I might have read more than 50 titles of this comic. :D Just love the nomenclature… especially Vitalstatistix and Cacophonix are two of my favorite names. :))

Books that mean something to me

Given my limited acquaintance to books I would safely say ‘pass’ here. : I always wanted to read ‘The road ahead’ by Bill Gates though. It means a lot to me because Bill Gates’ success has been a huge inspiration to me. Mein bhi Bill Gates banoonga! (That’d be title of my book if I become rich and famous some day and decide to write a book. :p)

Books I plan to read soon

‘Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho and ‘The God of Small things’ by Arundhati Roy. Have read N number of reviews, have heard N number of people praising these books and have a strong desire to write something better when I am book tagged the next time. :D

Eye Eye Tee or Eye Eye Em!

2005-08-30T02:57:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I wrote anything sensible on my blog. Well having said that it would be too optimistic of you to expect something sensible now either. :D Kya karein... kaash hamare paas bhi thoda sa brain hota. *sigh* You are strongly advised to close the window if you are expecting this blog to add any value to you. ;)

Well. there was some news a couple of days back that said, IIT’s JEE exam will be made easier for students. This is being done to reduce the stress on the participating aspirants. Well, I somehow can’t seem to concur with what is being proposed. IIT is what it is because not everybody and anybody can get in there. IIT is what it is because only the best brains have been making it there. Diluting the rigor of selection process would not only mean admission to some undeserving candidates but also injustice to those who would have worked extremely hard to achieve their dream seat. How fair is to devoid them of the seat that they deserve? And going by a layman’s logic, don’t we always strive for things which are not so easily available? Will IITs be able to attract the best brains if the admissions were thrown open for one and for all? In that case these institutions will be no better than some engineering institute run by local politicians who would admit any damn soul to the institute as long he throws moolahs on the table.

IIMs also were in limelight for the fees reduction issue. I wonder whether there was any need for HRD ministry to fiddle with the fee norms! The intention behind such a move was not only to earn cheap public support for having brought down the ‘cost of education’ but also to make these institutes financially dependent on the government for grants. Mr. Joshi probably forgot that students graduating from top b-school are smarter than he thinks they are! These students know that they will be more than capable of re-paying the loans that they may have borrowed for their education once they graduate from the school. They are taught enough lessons in governance to understand the malicious intent of the politicians. No wonder Mr. Joshi did not succeed. Will these politicians keep their dirty hands away from sacred institutions like IITs and IIMs?!

My sincerest request to the politicians: IITs and IIMs are our pride. Please don’t steal this pride away from us.

Pardesi desi...

2005-08-22T23:39:00.000-07:00

Is there a way to identify a desi in phoren? Well not too sure if many of you would agree with this but there are many other reasons other than the brown skin of the person in question to believe that he/she is a desi!!

Someone clicking pictures with an old 1980 manual model of a Yashika or Kodak camera would definitely be a desi. Use it till it conks off or is stolen whichever is earlier. :D

A group of people wearing black leather jackets and duplicate Ray Ban goggles on a not-so-shiney day would definitely be desis! We love purchasing in wholesale and from fashion street, don’t we? :p

Someone roaming around in an exotic place with a plastic bag full of home made food would definitely be a desi. Why shouldn’t we advertise our Indian brands abroad for free, eh?

Someone telling you about best deal on everything ranging from potatoes and tomatoes to music systems and microwave ovens would definitely be a desi. We have this knack of finding out the best deals, don’t we?

Someone discussing Java or PL/SQL code on subway train would definitely be a desi. Swades, we the techies! :p

Someone rushing to catch window seat in bus or train would definitely be a desi. You never know, you might just get lucky. Mere saamnewali khidki me… :p

Last but not the least.......

someone making such observations and publishing on blog would definitely be a desi too. After all only a jeweller knows the real worth of a diamond. :D

Moojikk TeeVee... haaye haaye!

2005-08-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

Do you watch music television? I do… some times. But whenever I tune into one of these channels I kind of get irritated! Na na… it has got nothing to do with the songs they broadcast. But it is the filler between those songs that I find somewhat unbearable!

Imagine a weirdly dressed VJ (with a torn jean, stupid sunglasses, pierced eyebrow and shabby hair style) frivolously moving his arms in front of the camera…! This VJ appears to have received a birthright to talk crap, be it his/her monotonous commentary or some stupid phone calls where they would talk anything but sense. For example: “Hey Tushar… tell me why is your name Tusshar and not Threeshhhar?!!” Duh! Eh? Aaay??!! Can a talk get more pathetic than this?! (This is worse than the pathetic PJs that I hit on my blog… now you can imagine the gravity of situation! Phewww… ). And do you know that all these VJs are born amrikan? Maaaannnn', 'mate', 'YO', 'kewl', 'buddy' et al is what makes them cool eh! Remind me of that Amir Khan ad... "Shanti aunty koi achchhi si ladki ho to dikhaana!' :p Hope they meet Shanti aunty soon. At least we'll have some respite. :D

Ok it’s not only the VJ but also those weird fillers that you see between the breaks. Why does a music channel MUST show some weirdly moving articles, design or human sketches running around the screen? Can a music channel look cool only when a group of 6 women dressed up in traditional south Indian sarres, and possessing a fish like tails throw a bucket full of flowers in the circle in which they are dancing? Duh! Those who have seen these fillers on MTV would probably understand what I mean. (Dunno how to describe it. Pheww!) And I am sure most of you would have noticed some meaningless graphics generating a ‘V’ shape from nowhere… the idea of making a ‘V’ out of things almost entirely crosses the limits of destructive creativity!

I wonder if I am sounding weird discussing these things too! :O) Coz I have never ever heard anybody discussing these things before in my life! May be these so-called weird things have become so much part and parcel of a ‘music channel’ that we can’t see these things in a different light at all! Duh! Now before I start sounding like one of those VJs, let me quickly exit outta here. I don’t intend to open a shoe store yet. :D

YO!!! *ouchhhh* :D

Art? OR Economics? - Part 2

2005-08-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

You are expected to have read Part 1 of this sequel to make some sense out of this post. Well actually the posts here never exhibit any sense but still...

The painful process of chappati making starts with buying the correct atta for preparing the right kind of chappti. Buying something else in place of wheat atta can land you in great trouble. [*Experience speaking - Details are censored. Too embarrassing to be publicized here*] Here the Economics involved in time spent to buy atta is ignored. :
Lesson 1: Ask someone, preferably a female, before buying atta.

The next step is to gauge how much atta you really need. You can never select correct quantity of atta in first go. (That is Newton’s fourth law… just devised :p) Remember… adding atta to vessel is like releasing bullet out of a gun. You cannot recall it.
Lesson 2: Always start with smaller quantity. You’ll soon know why!

Preparing dough is one of the toughest challenges. It is impossible to get decent looking dough at one go. Extra quantity of water, followed by extra quantity of atta, followed by extra quantity of water leads you to a disastrous outcome. The output is a seesaw between ‘atta-rabdi’ and ‘atta-stone’.
Lesson 3: Remember lesson 2!

Assuming that you managed to get dough right (which is a very remote possibility), next step is what gives nightmares to most souls. How the hell can anyone make those chappaties so round? :-/ Forget making it round, the moment you start rolling your belan on the dough, it starts showing up its Fevicoline (I just made up this word) properties! It will start sticking in all the possible places around the desk (don’t know what that round thing on which you roll chappties is called! :-). It will also stick to your palms and sit quietly on your diamond/gold/silver rings. The standard deviation of thickness on the (so-called) chappati surface will be close to infinite. You will very easily manage to create holes in the center of the chappati. And in the process of this (so-called) chappati you would ensure to spread white atta all over the floor. By the time you finish rolling the 9th one, the first one achieves the brittleness equivalent to a papad! Duh! By the way, papads are supposed to be round in shape. The shape of the object in question here can be best described as that of an Amoeba. :O)
Lesson 4: Chappati making is also an Art!

The chappati rolling (in)efficiency is so pathetic that you can not roll and bake chappati at the same time. This means that there has to be a dedicated resource assigned to bake the chappatis. It seldom happens that the burning rate of chappatis is less than 66%. Another problem here is that the person baking the chappatis cannot manage to apply ghee (or butter (according to availability at that point of time) simultaneously. In a desperate attempt to maintain the chappati burning rate at less than 33%, a dedicated resource is appointed for applying ghee to the chappaties. Damn… over worked resource? [Looks like Economics comes into picture again! Over time pay and all?? Duh… :O)]
Lesson 5: Resource collaboration is a must to ensure success of project chappati. (Too jargonized eh! :D)

Imagine the fatigue after this marathon! And guess what? You are yet to make curry to go with this chappati. Now preparing a curry is a marathon in itself and the scope of this post is limited to chappati marathon only. I am sure if writing this post can be such a huge exercise, you can understand how tough it is, to actually undergo it! :O)

Moral of the story:
1. Hunt for a roommie who knows how to cook chappties.
2. Cleaning vessels is much easier task than preparing chappties.
3. Never pick fault in your mom’s cooking.
4. Chappati making is no child's play. Grrrrrrrrr.....

Art? OR Economics? - Part 1

2005-08-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

Na na… don’t be misled by the title. I have not started any career guidance forum, nor do I intend to start one. Just that I remembered my days of chappati making!! Urgh? Yeah yeah… you heard it right. So what if I have a track record of burning Maggi 2 out of 3 times and cook(!) rice without adding water to the pressure cooker, huh! [Ok let’s not get into those details coz I am sure you have better things to do than to keep counting the hit rate of my successful Maggi preparation, eh? :D ]

So is chappati making an art? Or is it Economics? Now don’t ask me what’s the answer. If ever knew it, my two roomies and I wouldn’t have spent 3 hours preparing 9 chappties everyday. :- Duh! Looks like it’s pure case of Economics! :O) 3 resources, working 3 hours daily for a month makes it 270 man months for preparing 270 chappaties per month!! Damn… assuming an average consultant charges $100 an hour to the clients, spending 270 hours just to make 270 chappaties means each chappati is worth $100!! [Are you going nuts already? :D Well, you have every reason to…] BTW there are quite a few arguments in favor of the process being an art too… let’s see why in the next part!

-To be continued-

Flying colors!

2005-07-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

Location: Hostel room
Time: Some time in 2004
Inhabitants: Fundoo and his room mates (hence forth identified as R1 and R2)

R1: Ohhhh %^^%^$$#@… dude, this is the last time I am waking you up ok!
Fundoo: *No response*
R2: Abey ooth saale…
Fundoo: Hmmmmmm… (with number of m’s showing the extent of sleepiness)
R1: He won’t wake up like this. Thandaa paani daal *growls R1*
R2: Paani kaayko waste karne ka? Vaise bhi 2 din se nahaaya nahin hoga saala.
Fundoo: *Remains unmoved.*
R1: Teritttto… oothta hai ki nahin… pulls away his blanket.
Fundoo: *Tries to hold on to his blanket but in vain. Pulls R1’s blanket from adjacent bed*
R2: *Pulls away the other blanket too*
Fundoo: Tch…. Sone de yaar… *makes a pathetic attempt at sounding angry*
R1: Abey time kya hua hai pata hai? *says R1 in a stiff voice*
Fundoo: Test 8:30 ko hai… get lost dude
R2: ok… fine! Jaa rahe hain hum x-(
Fundoo: *now he is somewhat suspicious* Hey hey hey.. waitttt wait.…
R1: What?? *holds hands on his waist and asks authoritatively*
Fundoo: Abbey subah subah kahan jaa rahe ho? *somehow manages to keep his eye open*
R1: Raamji ke mandir jaa rahe hain… chalega? *R1 was frustrated by now*
R2: Haan prashad bhi milega… *chuckles R2*
Fundoo: *still trying to get back to senses* What? matlab? Laptop kyun le jaa rahe ho mandir me? *asks innocently*
R1: *Frustrated* Donate karenge wahan ja kar… tu so jaa. X-(
Fundoo: *Now he knows that something was wrong. Checks time!*

Ohhhh…. holy s%^&… it’s 8:32 already!! :O)

Fundoo comes out with Flying colors. Oh yeah ‘F’ lying colors. Duh…!

Silent Eloquence...

2005-07-06T01:35:00.000-07:00

Tum: Can’t believe 2 years are over! Time fled didn’t it?
Hum: You bet! But I am thankful to almighty to have received riddance from you, finally! :D
Tum: Yeah yeah, I know how badly someone was waiting to get away from me, huh!
Hum: You won’t know how happy I am today. I will be away and there will be no TUM following me! Dream-come-true for me. Yahooooo!!!*chuckles Hum*
Tum: Jaao jaao. Jab yahan nahin rahoongi tab yaad karoge mujhe. Aur vaise bhi itni aasani se peechha nahin chhodnewali mein.
Hum: Ye lo! Aayi badi mera peechha karnewali. Go n get dressed u dumb. It’s 6 o’clock already.
Tum: Oh! Haaye raam… pahele kahena chahiye na!. Ullu...
Hum: Arey oye heroin, mujhe bolne ka mauka dogi tabhi to kuchh kahoonga na! Aap ladkiyon ko tayyar hone me vaise bhi 2 ghante lagte hain. Abhi jaaogi to at least function ke end tak aa hee jaaogi. *teased Hum*
Tum: Huh… bass mauka mila nahin ki shuru ho gaye. Theek hai theek hai. See u at 6:30 okie? :-)
Hum: *smiles and sees her rushing to girls’ hostel*

Tum: Kaisi lag rahi hoon mein? *asked standing tall in front of Hum*
Hum: Sach kahoon? *smiled Hum*
Tum: Aap ki marzi?! *said Tum shyly looking away from Hum*
Hum: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm….
Tum: *Eagerly awaits his comment*
Hum: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….
Tum: Nakhrebaaz! Jaldi bolo na… *pleads Tum*
Hum: Kahe doon???? *Chuckles*
Tum: Uffffff….. tum bhi na…
Hum: Ok ok bolta hoon baba. *smiles Hum* To hum yeh kahenewale the ki… mann karta hai aise hee dekhta rahoon aapko… haaye!
Tum: *Blushes coyly* Hattttt… joothey! Last year bhi ye hee dialogue maara tha. :-)
Hum: *Burst out into laughter* To tumhe abhi bhi yaad hai maine last year kya kahaa tha!!
Tum: Bilkul yaad hai! Aur ye bhi yaad hai ki tab aap mujhe bilkul aawara types lagey the. *quips Tum with a chuckle*
Hum: Aur ab?
Tum: *Shies* Ab to… umm… ab bhi aawara hee ho.
Hum: *Looks into her eyes with a naughty smile* Jaisa bhi hoon… hoon to aap hee ka.
Tum: Dhattt… besharam. *Blushed Tum*

*They sat in one corner of the institute. Away from the farewell day exuberance, away from the noisy auditorium.*

Hum: So you are off to Jabalpur tomorrow haan?!
Tum: Hmmm…
Hum: Subah jaldi time se nikal jaana… Baarish ke din hain. Airport jaldi pahunchna theek rahega, theek hai?
Tum: Tum nahin aaoge mujhe see off karne?
Hum: Umm… nahin. Mujhe kuchh kaam hai kal.
Tum: Hmmm…
Hum: Aur vaise bhi tum koi bachchi nahin ho ki har baar airport par chhodne aaoon mein. *Tries to avoid eye contact with Tum*
Tum: *Keeps gazing at his face*
Hum: Haan aur taxi se airport tak aana bahot expensive hai. Aur haan… kal mujhe Wimbledon ki final bhi to dekhni hai.
Tum: Hmmm…
Hum: *He was silent now… but was still avoiding looking into her eyes*
Tum: Aap ko abhi tak jhooth bolna nahin aaya. :-)
Hum: Jhooth? Na na…
Tum: Bolo kya baat hai Hum?
Hum: Baat? Nahin to? Kuchh bhi to nahin…
Tum: Do saal se jitna time maine apne liye bhi nahin bitaya ootna time tumhare saath rahi hoon mein Hum. Khoob jaanti hoon tumhe.
Hum: Aisa kuchh nahin hai Tum… bass aise hee… pata nahin…

*Hum couldn’t complete his sentence. But his silent eloquence did*

Young at 75 or...?

2005-06-30T03:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, I must confess that I have been pathetic at my blogging habits lately. I know would have come as a welcome news for you all who have been patiently bearing my torturous, boring to death posts ever since this blog was founded. (Is founded the correct word? Sounds like I founded some conglomerate not a blog. :p) But sorry peepz, you don’t have such an easy riddance from me. I am not ready to let you savor that pleasure yet. U don’t have any option but to read through this pathetic attempt at putting together a bunch of ASCII characters and waste your time. :D

Well, I had absolutely a blank mind while I started writing this post. (not that I am replete with ideas now but anyway… : ) What suddenly struck me was… “Damn… this blog has not even completed a year and I am already running out of things to write! What will happen 5 years from now, or 10 years from now? Oh and how about 50 years from now? Oh… 50 years from now? Interesting… What would it be like to have lived three quarters of a century? : Your hair would have vanished (assuming they haven’t already), your teeth would have taken retirement (assuming some of them are still intact) and your shining skin would have given way to a wrinkled peel. Gosh… all I could think of was some random musings.

You feel like eating ice-gola but you can’t. Sheesh… all you can do is helplessly watching those kids slurp ice-gola in front of your eyes.
You feel like playing cricket but you can’t… all you can do is take your walking stick and try to stand on your feet. If you are lucky, you’d be walking too. :
People will call you Fundoo chacha or Dadaji or something! :O) Damn…
How would you convince the then generation that you were avid yahoo messenger chatter? [Can you imagine *your* grand pa being one? Impossible!!]
People start treating you like ‘senior citizens’. I hate being treated differently. Does the normal life end once you become a senior citizen? :-/

Last but not the least; imagine you reading this post 50 years from now! On 30th June 2055! :O) Gosh…!

How NOT to bell the CAT!!

2005-06-23T02:43:00.000-07:00

Common Admission Test (CAT) is hot these days. Almost every other soul graduating these days wants to get into one of the top 10 b-schools of the country. IIMs, FMSes and SPJains of the world have been driving people crazy for a long time now. BTW getting into a premier b-school has never an easy task. It is only because of some rare mistakes made by interviewing profs that hopeless cases like me too manage to get into one of these. :D [Now that wasn’t a bad attempt at bragging about self eh? :p] Being a third time lucky, I thought it was my moral responsibility to share some lessons learnt in the process of belling the CAT!

It all starts on one fine Sunday in the month of November. Some 150000 unscrupulous souls wake up to the fear of facing that monstrous question paper. God becomes a busy soul responding to 150000 applications to IIM Ahmedabad. (Must have been a tough ask eh?) Some souls, who never ever bothered to walk even in the vicinity of temple, spare good half an hour maskavofying the god. :D Some souls, who never ever bothered to attend classes during the undergrad days are seen rattofying formula for ‘area of sphere’ on their way to exam hall. Some souls, who never brought a pen to class, are seen carrying half a dozen HB pencils in bag. :p But does that help? A lot has been said about what to do on the D-day there was hardly any stuff on the DON’Ts. Thought it won’t be bad idea to list some these for the benefit of those aspiring, budding managers of tomorrow. [BTW I have always believed that managers are useless species… but still, they do make money and at the end of the day, all that matters is the pay cheque that gets deposited in your bank account eh? :p] Ok so here we go…

Ensure there is no girl sitting in the front. She’d put her hair band on and off every 5 minutes and you’d end up spending 2 minutes admiring her latkey jhatkey every time she does that. :D Research says that up to three male examinees sitting behind a good looking gal are most certainly not expected to clear CAT. :p

Control your urge to drink water during the test. Most people have this tendency to act like I-have-just-landed-from-desert-of-Sahara! They find it extremely difficult to hold onto their thirst for those 2 hours of the test. (in fact this thirst phenomenon is seen ONLY during those two hours of the test!) The water in the exam hall doesn’t taste any sweeter than what you drink outside, dudes!

I can’t understand the logic behind reading till the last minute. It is only when the invigilator would shout at the chap, will he leave the books aside. Damn, if you couldn’t remember exponential time series of sin theta in the past whole year, there is no point in you taking CAT. Better sit back at home, relax and watch some saas-bahu shows on TV.

Oh… had to write a lot more stuff but guess I am running outta time. :( But will surely try and post something on life of an MBA student post-CAT some time soon.

Till then, adios-amigos!

Orkut Vorkut... balle balle!

2005-06-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

I was running through scrapbooks of some of my friends on Orkut some time back… and believe me I was awed to see the extra ordinary wit, camaraderie, fun and desperation visible in these scrap books. In this edition of Fundoonomics, [which has always been (un)pular for author’s saddest attempts at humor and sick PJs. :D] we will try and ‘analyze’ some of the famous scrappers of the Orkut world. The focus will entirely be on the ‘desparation’ part of people’s personality. :D The edition will introduce you to those special categories of people who’d do anything to have a good-looking female their buddy’s list. :D Just couldn’t resist presenting some samples that I picked up from people’s (read somewhat good looking gals’ :D) scrapbooks. Ok now we’ll protect the identity of the person in question, by calling ALL of them ‘Sweetie”! :p (Gosh, don’t blame me if your name really happens to be Sweetie!)

“Hi, myself Praveen from nitk Surthkal,mujshe dosti karoge .....reply”
(Ahem ahem, myself? His English teacher would die once again in her grave! BTW did he forget to write the marks he scored in his previous semester he attended? :D)

“Hai,... howru.. looking nice, bye”
(Duh? So, what answer does he expect? Thank you honey, I am dying to see you, please don’t say bye… puhleeeeeeezzz!! :p)

“Sweetie...... u r a beauty Sweetie ..no doubt... but plz plz atleast i expect a hi from u”
(Desperation level increases when Sweetie doesn’t respond… :D)

“I think I have seen you somewhere. You look so familiar. Do I know you?”
(Aha! Now this is a tried and tested trick. But these days gals have become smarter haven’t they? :p)

“Do you know Tamil? Friends?”
(Gosh… what a reason to befriend someone! :D)

“If I am not wrong, you are from IIM-Bangalore right? My friend’s brother’s (long lost) cousin used to study at IIMB in year 2002. Will you be my friend please?”
(Gosh… imagine the kind of effort he must have put in ‘generating’ this acquaintance. :p He did come to the point, albeit in the last line. :p)

“Haiii.. this is Vamsikrishna.. I m an indian(Andhra)...h r uu??? shall we be frnds..where do u live here?? wat r u doin??...ok then waiting for ur reply..byee take care c uuu...keep smiling”
(Duh can Vamsi Krishna be name of an African or a Japanese too? :D And btw thankfully the gente(!)man did not ask for her horoscope. :p)

There are many more samples but this space is too small to accomodate 'em all. Would love to hear some more ‘tricks’ from you folks though. :D You never know when you need it eh? :D

T for Taggie

2005-06-15T02:01:00.000-07:00

Thanks Nupur and Dreamcatcher, I was required to undergo this otherwise exhaustive interview! Well gave me a food for thought though. :) Thankoo Nups and DC… hope I won’t disappoint you folks with my dumb answers! Duh!

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Ummm well… Fundoo, Fun-do and Fun-Da-Mental. Now dunn ask me how did I get these names. These were bestowed upon me by my blogger friends some of who happen to be my real life friends too. :)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
Screen name? Umm not too sure if I ever had one! Or have I understood the question correctly? Duh!

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Ok now that ‘Physical’ part imposes lots of restrictions here.
I like my fingers coz I won’t be able to blog if I didn’t have ‘em…
I like my eyes coz I won’t be able to read blogs if I didn’t have ‘em … and
I like my feet coz I won’t be able to kick arse of those who mercilessly shower bumps on my birthday.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
I don’t like my sharp ears coz at times I tend to hear all the gossip, which I shouldn’t. :D
I don’t like my curly hairs coz hair cut bills in dollars (every month) leave a deep hole in my wallet.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
I am too dumb to understand the question. I say ‘Pass’. :D

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
Fear of losing a loved one!
Deep waters coz I don’t know swimming. :O)
Stray dogs on the Bangalore streets! Phew…

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
The Economic Times, Glass of milk, Yahoo Messenger!

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
Pierre Cardin watch, spectacles, Smile! :)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:Trust, Trust and Trust!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
I am a good liar.
I never lie.
You can trust me even when I lie! :D

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:Height (shorter the better! Yeah yeah I mean it :p)
Smile (Free smile gets full marks, artificial gets none)
Weight (Lighter the better :D)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
Finish this questionnaire
Eat
Run through the blogs which I haven’t visited for a while

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
Starting my own no-frills airline (ok dunn laugh u’ll see Fundoo Airlines someday :p)
Owning a consulting firm some day
Running a blog outsourcing business (My company’s punchline, ‘We slog, u blog!’ :p)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Home! :)
Switzerland
Darjeeling

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
Oh damn. I hardly know any good names to pick from. It definitely won’t be Fundoo. :p Umm for gals may be… Jayalalita, Phoolan and Rabdi. :p And for boys… Laloo, Mulayam and Ramvilas. :D

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Damn… this sounds like my will. :O) Ok anyway I am not Birla or Ambani so people won’t face much problem dividing my property after me. :p BTW:
I want to meet Bill Gates once in my life.
I want to see all the Seven Wonders of the World, at least twice before I die.
A game of cricket with Sachin Tendulkar would be just fine.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
Aha! Now this is good! Time for revenge! :D But alas, I can’t tag Nupur and DC again! *Sigh* It ain’t that easy to find bakras and bakris these days, let me still give it a shot. I would love to see these folks being tagged!

Khizzy - http://cloudkhizzy.blogspot.com/
Kay - http://lifemeansdrama.blogspot.com/
SmartOxymoron - http://smartoxymoron.blogspot.com/

Hope none of you have been bakravofied already! :p See if you can take this up. :) Would be great if you can.

Missing you...

2005-06-07T02:31:00.000-07:00

I am devastated today! One of my long time companions passed away. The companion left my world but has left behind some fond memories of the years that we spent together. Left behind are those moments of togetherness, left behind are those moments of bliss, left behind are those remains of our night long conversations. My eyes are moist and voice is choked. I have so much to say but I am speechless. Why did you leave me alone pal!!!

I still remember my first encounter with you. I got to know you through that naughty Rishi. Probably the only noble thing he had done in his life was to introduce me to you. The day I saw you, my heart skipped a beat (or two). I was thrilled. Your looks stole my heart and I almost immediately fell in love with you. Life was never the same since that day. You made me stay awake in the nights; you made me pretend to look busy in front of my professors; you made me crazy about you. You changed me completely pal. I was addicted to you, completely. There was not a single day when I did not think of you. There was not a single day when I could stay away from you. There was not a single day when you made me feel lonely. There was never a dull moment with you around. Remember the day when we were together for complete 24 hours at a stretch? How I wish that day never came to an end.

Today when I look back, I can’t help remember your sweet sound. Today when I look back, I can’t help remember your beautiful look. Today when I look back, I can’t help remember your smiley. Today when I look back, I can’t help remember those emotions that we shared. There is nothing I can do to ask you back from my God. All I can do is ask for your happiness wherever you are. Remember, there will always be someone, somewhere on this earth remembering you from the bottom of his heart. May your soul rest in peace.

I love you, Yahoo Messenger. :D (Pst Pst… what did you think? :p)

Oh and yes I hate my company firewall. X-(

Magggggiiiiiiiii... 2 minutes? Nahhh....

2005-05-08T03:29:00.000-07:00

If you ever thought that preparing maggi is a just-2-minute task, think it again! It takes a lot of effort, patience, concentration to prepare what we call Maggi noodles. Let me just enlighten you through this torturous process of cooking maggi. I am sure after running through the experience; you would certainly appreciate the hard work and dedication that one may need to prepare Maggi. So, here we go…

Take a steel bowl. Make sure the left over from your previous cooking is cleaned. Alternatively ensure that the previous thing you cooked in that bowl was maggi only so that you can re-use the same bowl. (Obviously without putting an effort to clean it). Add water to bowl. You may use mineral water for the purpose but tap water can be good as well. So ignore the selection between the two. Just add water to bowl.

The probability of your maggi meeting a fate of burning is inversely proportional to the quantity of water you add. Also the probability of your maggi overflowing from your bowl is directly proportional to the quantity of water you add. It is therefore of utmost important to carry out a SWOT (Strength-Weakness-Opportunity-Threats) analysis for quantity of water to be used for preparing maggi. Turn ON the gas. Make sure you have enough gas in the cylinder to last for next 5 minutes. Make sure to put bowl on the gas. You may just forget to keep the bowl otherwise :D

Turn ON the music. You will get bored till the water boils.

Cut the packet of maggi. You may need a scissor for this. If you don’t have one, go and try do something with blade in you shaving razor. If your razor has run out of strength to cut that petty plastic maggi wrapper, high time you rushed to nearby store and bought one. You may just end up cutting your skin while shaving the next day.

Ensure that music is ON.

You may decide to keep the noodles long so that you can slurp it with a slurrrppppp noise while eating it. Add the noodles cake to boiling water. Add maggi masala on top of it.

Stir the mix.

Stir it again.

Ensure that the music is ON.

Listen to this music. If you fall asleep else you will not only run into danger of burning maggi but also cleaning those dirty, sticky vessels. Additional cleaning of kitchen and starvation can be bonus. Turn off the gas as soon as you get some burning smell. If you do not turn it off now, you may never see your maggi in the same physical shape as shown on the wrapper. Serve it in a dish or bowl.

Now you need not ensure that the music is ON.

Eat it if you can.

Perennially bachelors have the reputation to deform maggi into an inedible something. If you belong to this category, make sure to keep Pizza Hut’s phone number handy with you. It won’t be a bad idea to keep a set of plastic bags handy to dispose your maggi too. Sue Nestle for misleading innocent people like us by their misguiding advertisements that say Maggi can be cooked in 2 minues!! Grrrr….

selfless...

2005-05-04T02:36:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful sunset. Deep blue sea water had started wearing the orange evening gown. Cool westward breeze was blowing many a hairs on his face. A zillion thoughts were passing through his head. It was not very easy for him to hide those wrinkles of worry from his forehead. Six years was good enough a time for Tum to ‘know’ Hum from within. It was not so difficult for her to realize that he wanted to say something.

Tum: Hum, I know what you are thinking about.

Hum: Hmm.

Tum: Why do you have to worry about the inevitable?

Hum: *Gives her a warm smile, holds her hand tightly and continues gazing at the sea.*

Tum: Your silence is killing me Hum. Can we not spend last few hours of our togetherness ‘together’?

Hum: Tum… Just be with me today. Don’t go away.

Tum: Pagal, how dare you even think that I will ever go away from you? :-) *Tries to cheer him up*

Hum: :-) Who will call me pagal after today Tum? Who will give a patient ear to my insane bakbak on messenger? Who will pray for my long life on my birthdays? Who will turn the world upside down I will fall ill someday? Who…

Tum: Chhi… kaisi baatein karte ho? Bimaar pade tumhare dushman…

Hum: And who will say “bimaar pade tumhare dushman?…” *his voice was choked*

Tum: *Tries hard to contain her emotions* Dhatt… that girl that you are getting married to? She is going say so even if you sneeze ok! :-)

Hum: *Tries to look away but tightens the grip of her hand*

Tum: And she will…

Hum: Stop it, Tum. Please. How long will you keep sacrificing your happiness for my sake? How long will you keep making me feel guilty? I don’t deserve this Tum, I don’t deserve this…

Tum: *She couldn’t hold those dew drops back and ran into him*

Hum: *He reciprocated and held her tight in his arms*

Tum: I can’t live these two parallel lives any more Hum. Tried to console myself but… But those memories of time spent with you keep coming back time and again. Can’t take this any more Hum, I can’t…

Hum: Hmm…

Tum: Those memories of spending hours together in the corner of library, those memories of coming early to college just to spend that extra half an hour with you, those memories of bunking classes just to be able to see you play cricket, those memories of sharing a sandwich when the canteen was closed, those memories of chatting away to glory on those sleepless nights, those memories of missing way back to camp on a trip to Khandala, those memories of holding hands for the first time, those memories of you pulling out my hair buckle every now and then, those memories of you pulling my leg with names of your fictitious girlfriends, remember those days Hum? :-)

Hum: Of course I do. How can I forget seeing you waiting for me even when your classmates were gone, how can I forget you rejecting plum job offer abroad just because you wanted to be close to me, how can I forget seeing you fighting with HR to get a posting in Mumbai just because I was posted in Mumbai, how can I forget seeing you keeping awake all night just to chat with me when I was away in America, how can I forget your clandestine fasts you kept observing to seek long life for me. I remember everything Tum, every single moment spent with you. And do you remember the first time you had tried your hand on parathas and you brought the first piece just for me? Still remember the taste of chutney. Never expected you to be such a good cook. :D

Tum: You will never stop pulling my leg, will you? :-)

Hum: Seriously. Had you added some salt to it, and some jeera, and some chilli powder oh and yes had that been slightly roundish, then those parathas would have really tasted like parathas. :-)

Tum: YOUUUUUUU… *frowns sweetly and pinches him in arm…couldn’t help smiling*

Hum: We end up hurting someone whom we love the most, hai na Tum?

Tum: You have never hurt me! And I take the liberty to assume that you loved *me* the most. :-)

Hum: Don’t be so nice to me Tum. I don’t deserve it.

Tum: I have always loved you for what you are Hum.

Hum: Wish I could give back all the happiness to you.

Tum: It wouldn’t be love if it were a give and take deal right Hum? Love has to be selfless, unconditional right? :-)

Hum: But you always gave and I always took, hai na?

Tum: Don’t be silly. You have given me all the happiness which one could ever ask for Hum.

Hum: I don’t think I can survive this Tum. Feeling of guilt is killing me. I am dying every minute Tum.

Tum: Nor will I Hum. So what if I cannot live with you. I can at least die!

Hum: And do you think I will let you go alone?

x - x - x

Can you price 'em?

2005-04-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

Silver bracelet 2000 rupees
Gold bracelet 10000 rupees
Sister’s rakhi; Priceless!

Food the The Taj 2000 rupees
Food at The Hilton 10000 rupees
Homemade food; Priceless!

One shawl 3000 rupees
One pair of clothes 5000 rupees
Dad’s prod smile; Priceless!

One chocolate 20 rupees
One ice cream 50 rupees
Kids’ hug; Priceless!

I have been trying hard to think of more but to no avail… but would love to see some more of these priceless words. Can you think of any?

Kallu...

2005-04-24T03:33:00.000-07:00

“Now stop giving me that scary look, will you?!”, I silently grumbled. I stood still in my place. Move one step and I would have ensured my death anniversary being celebrated 365 days hence. : In next few seconds there were few more bloodthirsty eyes scanning me from head to toe. I was scared; scared to death to be a precise! There was no time to read Hanuman Chalisa either. (How I wish there was a shorter version of Hanuman Chalisa for emergencies! :)

This team of 11 growling dogs had already surrounded me! :O) The leader of the gang was, a hefty looking black dog (let’s call him Kallu) whose looks were scary enough to give a dozen heart attacks to any faint-hearted human. Kallu was showcasing his sharp teeth like a newly appointed over enthusiastic Colgate toothpaste model. There was no way I could have run away either. Looking at physique I did not feel like taking any chances. He wouldn’t have taken more than 10 seconds to catch hold of me. :O) The opposition was a nice composition of variety of dogs, 11 in number. Some black, some white and most others, brown. (Reminds me of Indian cricket team albeit with a better captain called Kallu this time). There was a minor member in the team too. (Parthiv Patel?).

Kallu was growling mercilessly but others were kind of confused must say. I certainly did not look like a rag picker in my Zodiac shirt and Park Avenue trouser. Nor did my laptop bag look like the sack that municipal dog-catching force uses to trap the stray dogs. Other dogs just did not have any clue why the hell was Kallu after an innocent like me. My innocent face was not good enough to convince Kallu of my harmlessness though. I just lifted my foot backward and Kallu took two forward. :O) He was probably becoming impatient!

Just as I had started calculating time it would take someone to reach the nearest hospital after having attacked by Kallu, a miracle happened! The hero of the climax was an old gentleman (read god-sent angel) who happened to pass from there. He took no time to realize the situation I was in and all he did was kick Kallu hard with his foot. And guess what? The whole team fled in no time! You won’t believe how relieved I was and how thankful I was to this gentleman. He just smiled and said, “beta, sab kuchh theek hai na?!” : Phew… all I could do is nod in affirmation with a nervous smile and reach out for my hanky to wipe sweat from my forehead. These 2.5 minutes were the longest 2.5 minutes of my life!

Every dog has a day. But 11 of them had it together the other day! Duh!

Case studies!

2005-04-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to the people who comment on blogs owned *only* by females… [no no guys, dunn feel left out, there is no reason to… :D] For a change I have decided to list these comment making souls as ‘case studies’ for ease of reference at future date. :p

Case study 1

A post, where author seems to have used all the cryptic words that she might have crammed for a GRE or GMAT test.

Now lesser mortals like me, who don’t really possess *that* high an intellectual quotient would give up after reading first few lines. But there are some species who *must* comment here, come what may! So the comment would be, “Wow, you write so well...” Ok agreed, fair enough! If she has put in so much effort cramming the word list, she better get her share of praise… but the fairness remains only until your read the complete line, “Wow, you write so well… I am from Bangalore, I would like to be your riend. What is your yahoo id?" Duh…! Now what the hack has he being from Bangalore got to do with she writing "so well" and she sharing her yahoo id with him? :O) Not only that, he suddenly wants to become her friend! Desperation unlimited?! :D

Case study 2

The author has posted some poem. Well actually something that the author calls a poem. :D The thoughts are random and has no sur or taal whatsoever.

An ordinary (read normal) human being would probably skip the post and wait for the next good one. But for those for whom writing a comment is a passion, “Great. This is so profound! Never knew you had such a hidden talent!” Uff… Ohh… Err… Duh! I am sure ‘discovery’ of this newfound hidden talent would have been a surprise to author herself too. :p

Case study 3

The author is supposedly a good-looking lady (yeah yeah the userpics can be misleading at times :p).

So here is a breed of commentor (urgh… dunn know if such a word exists but you got what I mean eh? :p) who would make it a point to go to shout box each day morning and say “Good morning.”, come what may! (Reminds me of the poor chap from Dil Chahata Hai who would buy a heart shaped balloon for her fiancée every single day :D But at least that chap had a reason to do so…!) The nice person that the author is, she will respond with a humble good morning and then say, “actually it is already evening in our part of the world.” And guess what? The guy will come back and say, “Sorry, good evening. Semicolon closing bracket closing bracket”! Ufff… :D

Actually there are quite a few case studies that could have found their way to this ha(e)ll of fame but I am afraid I’d end up inviting trouble if I disclosed all the ‘secrets’ in public. :D Till I post my next (yet another) insane piece of crap… adieu. :-)

Why?

2005-04-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

Why would the elevator not move an inch even when you successfully pressed 16th floor button thrice?
Ans: Because you are already on the 16th floor and you wanted to go ‘down’. :

Why would bus conductor look at you with an are-you-ok look even when you pay him exact change and tell right bus stop name?
Ans: Because you just got into the bus from that stop. [Insane passenger?]

Why would a Japanese colleagues frown at you when you try to talk to him in his own language?
Ans: Because someone took your ride and taught you to say “You idiot” in Japanese when you asked him to teach you “Hey buddy” in Japanese. [Duh…!]

Why would Japanese folks think you are a big shot (even if you are not one)?
Ans: You (unknowingly) take freedom to wear jeans and t-shirt in an office where no one ever walks-in without a suit. [The privileged one? Nah… an ignorant one! :D]

Why would a ticket sales man at a theatre get a chance for a hearty laugh?
Ans: Because you asked for an ‘advance booking’ for 6 p.m. show at 7 in the evening. [Grrr… thanks to the watch batteries that ditched me!]

Why would my blog mates have a chance to pull my leg?
Ans: Coz all the crazy things happen *only* to me. :

'Card'ology...

2005-04-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

Sales woman - “Here you go, one thousand two hundred and fifty Yens sir.”

Me – “You accept cards, right?”

Sales woman – “Yes we accept mastercard and visa cards sir”

Me - *Takes out card from wallet and hand it over* “Great. Here you go…”

Sales woman - *Gives a surprised look for reasons not known to me*

Me – It’s a Citibank card.

Sales woman - *Looks confused* But sir…

Me – “Yes?” *Giving a do-you-doubt-my-credit-card look*

Sales woman – “Sir but we accept only bank cards…”

Me – So? *Felt like saying if she thought Citibank was not a ‘bank’? Giving you-hurt-my-ego look*

Sales woman – “Sir, this appears to be your office I-card. The Citibank card is still in your hand.”

Me - *Searching for place to hide my embarrassed face.* Phewwwww….!

Swades - We the desis! - II

2005-04-07T03:30:00.000-07:00

Time 11:45

“Excuse me, zara side dena.” Says an elderly Gujju gentleman, sitting next to me (yet again). “Bathroom jaana hai.” Damn this was the third time since I exchanged my seat with the family that I had to ‘excuse’ him. I had no option but to give way. After all it was me who was going to suffer with foul smell and wet floor if his ‘urgency’ was not met in time.

Time 11:49

“Ting”. Up goes the buzzer. The gentleman who was now appearing relatively relieved (obviously!) had just called for an attendant. “Yes, sir. May I help you?”, asked the attendant with a plastic smile and sugar coated politeness. “Water please!”. Damn… for some reason, I have always observed that Indian people’s urge to drink water takes an exponential contour as soon as they ride on an aircraft! Every few minutes, there will be a call for attendant with “Water please!” and the poor hostess would run around the aisle to fetch a bottle of water for the esteemed customer. (Remember customer is the king after all eh?)

Time 12:45

The lunch was just over. The attendants had hardly finished cleaning the dishes after lunch. My eyes were revolting against being kept open for long. But alas, socially amicable soul that Mr. Ramnikbhai was, he decided to strike a conversation. “So where are you from?”, asked the gentleman. Being a courteous kid I gave him a polite answer. “So are you going to Mumbai?” Well I swear that plane was headed to Mumbai and nowhere else. Grrr… “My name is Ramnikbhai”. What was I expected to say now? Woww.. what a nice name you’ve got?! %^$^$% “So where do you do?” went on Ramnikbhai. I was dying to sleep but he kept bombarding his questions one of the other. Innocent me had no clue about Ramnikbhai’s intentions until he asked, “Are you married?” :O) Damn… and I suddenly realized why he had kept telling me that he had three daughters and the youngest is still unmarried. :O)

Time 13:30

I was fed up. I had made my mind shift to a vacant aisle seat in the opposite row. (Damn… why didn’t I do this earlier?) There was a lady with Cantonese looks sitting in the window seat. Calm and quiet, she was more than busy reading a thick novel that she was holding. The two seats next to her vacant and I lost no opportunity to escape Ramnikbhai’s company and grab the isle seat.

Time 15:45

Managed to take a wonderful nap for 2 straight hours until the attendant came over with some snacks. (yeah yeah I never miss food on the aircraft :D) “Oh this food is so spicy! How do you manage to eat this?”, yelled the lady sitting in the window seat. Probably this was an overture for breaking the silence that had prevailed for past two hours. The food was not *that* spicy for sure! Well but considerate gentleman that I am, I just smiled at her comment and continued eating. “But I like this sweet. What is it called?”, quipped she. “Ah, that is mango pulp with some dry fruits I guess.”, I responded. “Oh I see, is this a mango season already in India?” she continued. And then started a wave of discussions, which went on for about 4 hours!! Trust me all the boredom that I had in the first few hours of flight was gone by now. This Australia born Chinese gal had married to a Sri Lankan and was heading to India for a vacation. (Boyyy isn’ that what we call globalization these days?!). We spoke about almost everything under the sun. From mangoes maple trees, from Taj Mahal to Opera House, from elephants to Kangaroos, from MBA to journalism, pizzas in Australia to curries in Sri Lanka, and the list can go and on and on.

The journey came to an end. [Every good (and bad) thing has to come to an end some day right? :-)]. I got off the aircraft but remained engulfed in a thought of how strangers turn out to be not-so-strangers in a just a while.

P.S. - Just as I am writing this post, I received an email from Melanie and her bubby Kailash with a photograph clicked in front of Taj Mahal. This one’s dedicated to you folks [and to you too Ramnikbhai! :-)]!!

Swades - We the desis!

2005-04-05T03:03:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen! With due respect to all fellow passengers I present before you the story of one poor soul that had to spend 12 hours on the aircraft full of ‘we the desis’! Little did he know that his journey is going to turn out to be a saga, which he will cherish(?) for the rest of his life.

Time: 0930
Location: Inside Boeing 747 (or was it 737? Whatever…)
Cast: Yours truly and numerous desis on the flight

Yours truly had hardly managed to keep his heavy laptop bag in the overhead locker (do we call it a locker? But anyway…). I sat next to my window seat dreaming about peaceful nap over next few hours. After having managed only 4 hours of nap the previous night, the only thing at my mind was to go zzzz. The seat belt was buckled the nice little pillow was already in my lap and I had already started dozing even before the aircraft could take off. “Bhaisahab, are you from India?”, yelled some one. I somehow managed to open my eyelids and for sake of courtesy nodded with a smile. “Are you traveling alone?” Well……. I swear there was no one sitting next to me and the other two seats were booked for the gentleman who woke me up. A person with IQ of 0.005 also could have guessed that I am traveling alone. But anyway probably he was just setting up a plot! “Can you shift to my seat because I want to be seated with my family”. Damn… I had already ‘settled down’ in my place. I did not want to give up my cozy seat. And do I need to tell you how heart wrenching can it be, to give away your luxurious window seat for that crappy middle row seat. (And that was not an aisle seat either. Grrr) But a noble soul that I am, I obliged to the request. Huh… so much for being nice to someone.

Guess what, the ordeal had not even started yet!

Time 10:30
I had hardly slept when this 7-8 year old kid (well it’d be an utter injustice to the word ‘kid’ if I did not call this chap a Devil.) kept banging my seat from behind. The reason? Well actually he apparently did not need any reason for doing this! He kept doing this for almost half an hour till I had to ask his father (who was snoring away to glory) to control this devil. Damn… the moment his father (casually) told him not to do that, his banging of seat was converted to extraordinary cacophony. (yeah yeah that Cacophonix of Asterix would have bowed in front of this devil). The kid started crying at the top of his voice and then started a round of emotional blackmail to his parents. Gosh… I cursed myself for my insanity to ask his parents to control their kid who was anyway in no control of theirs. Alas!

- More to follow -

Fundoo ke Fundae!

2005-03-28T22:40:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you are absolutely bored of everything around you? Many times it so happens that we know there are tons of things to do, we know that the dead line is looming large on our heads and we still don’t want to do it!! So what to do? I just feel like indulging into my most favorite things in such times. Like what? Well here you go!

Pick up Chacha Chowdhary or Asterix comic and read through it. I wouldn’t mind reading 3 or 4 books at one go either. :D

Log on to YM and chat away to glory. Of course I feel comfortable chatting only to those people who lend me their patient ear. (yeah yeah they say I talk too much *sigh*) So if you ever decide to add me to your YM list, do it at your own risk. :D

Walk out of the apartment and take a stroll by the lakeside. The natural cool breeze making its way through tall pine and Cedar trees… aha… just a thought of it is so freshening! :-)

Clean your wardrobe for a change. Find some old nostalgic photographs in the closet and end up spending a lot more time ‘cleaning’ than you’d have expected.

Switch on your favorite music. If this is old Hindi music play it at a low volume. If this is Angrezi music play it loud. (Make sure to be courteous to your neighbors. Make sure hand over a pair of cotton buds to them :D)

Watch Munnabhai MBBS for the Nth time.

Open an MS Word page and start punching in weird thoughts (just as I am doing right now.) :D Torture your nice blog friends by posting these thoughts on your blogger page. After reading your post they shall be left confused and will ask you, “What the hell were you trying to say?” And there you go… now you have one more activity, respond to these comments. :p

P.S. – I will NOT respond to “What the hell were you trying to say?” comments. :D

How to lose a job in 10 days :D

2005-03-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

Here is Fundoo’s guide on how to lose your job. Follow the instructions and get guaranteed results. :D (Disclaimer: You might end up losing job earlier than 10 days too. )

Reach office at 9 a.m. and leave at 6 p.m. Hmm?? Oh yes, I am talking about 9 a.m. UK time and 6 p.m. Japan time. :D

Use YM with speakers ON. Every time your YM shouts ‘Trrrring’, your probability of being sacked goes up by 0.1% (@copyright - Fundoo’s analysis *wink wink*)

Ask for a holiday to celebrate your parents’ anniversary… anything wrong in that? Ya ya, certainly if you celebrate it more than once a year :p

Get caught posting your resume on monster.com. If the monster called boss catches you, then you better get *that* from monster!

Blog during office hours [Damn that is exactly what I am doing right now. Dunn be surprised if you see a post on ‘fundoo the unemployed’ listed here soon. :O)]

Can’t thing of anything else. Can you? :D

Corporate dinner

2005-03-16T18:25:00.000-08:00

There was this expensive Japanese restaurant where we were to have a corporate dinner with clients. I was excited, not because client CEO was also joining us but because the company was going to foot the bill. :D We entered the restaurant and there was this team of elegantly dressed (and of course good looking) people waiting to receive us at the gate. Damn, the suit that they were wearing suddenly gave me an inferiority complex. Must admit that waiters and taxi drivers here are the most elegantly dressed people in the town!

So there was this nice little room, reserved exclusively for Fundoo and team. But just as I saw people in front moving into the room, I was terrified! The guests were supposed to remove shoes the room. Big deal eh? But what if your socks had two holes of 3-centimeter diameter each? Duh! I quickly removed the socks too. :p

Now imagine the scene. There is this poor Indian, who has never been to a Japanese restaurant before in his life, someone who eats only vegetarian, and someone who does not drink. And there are these 9 Japanese people who have eaten Japanese food all their life, people who seldom eat vegetarian and people who drink more liquor than water. The waitress in the restaurant had tough time believing that there is someone on this earth who does not eat fish. Oh and I had equally tough time explaining to her that fish is not vegetarian. I need VEGETARIAN food.

There came the food. Supposedly delicious! Something was said in Japanese and everyone suddenly bowed! Their necks had leant almost 90 degrees in front from their ordinary vertical position, enough to give a backache to a normal human being. (Na na I don’t mean to say they are abnormal but stil… :p) Everyone except me had ones’ face facing the ground. Understanding the gravity of the situation, I immediately followed the suit albeit looking at others from the corner of my eye. How the hell would I know when to be back straight otherwise? :O)

Food session started. The Japs started slurping their food at an amazing pace. Damn they could finish a bowl of noodles in less than 2 minutes. And there was this poor soul, yours truly, who was struggling with two pieces of wood a.k.a. chopsticks! I tried my level best to make the two ends of the chopstick meet so that I could pick up something from the dish and feed something to my starving stomach. I could not pick up even a single strand of cabbage with the chopsticks for first 10 minutes. Somehow managed to pick up a piece of tomato from the salad dish, but just as I brought it close to my mouth, it slipped out of the chopsticks and went back to where it was... in the dish. Gosh… these chopsticks were getting on my nerves. My immediate reaction, “Can you please get me a fork and a spoon please?” :p In fact I had already started eating with hands by the time fork and spoon arrived. So much for food. Huh!

With due respect to the Japanese food lovers, let me confess that the food was not of my type. All I could eat was a few pieces of tomatoes and stray strands of spinach and cabbage from the dish that I had ordered. Tried tofu but couldn’t receive it whole-heartedly either. All I was looking forward to was, getting out of that place, go back home and hog.

I hate corporate dinners.

Graduation Day – Part II called off

2005-03-16T01:49:00.000-08:00

I wrote it.

I posted it.

I re-read it.

And damn… it sounded so dramatic and unreal. Too psenti stuff and that too with a sad end. Gosh not of my type at all!

I deleted it.

I’d rather prefer to write some happy go lucky kinda stuff. Yep yep, that is is the reason why I love Bollywood movies… Hero always wins and end is always (well almost always) happy. :D

Blue...

2005-03-10T23:29:00.000-08:00

I gave it a scornful look. I received an equally grudging look back. “I have been close to your heart for last two years and you still behave like nobody to me?” said ‘Blue’ my one time dearly Park Avenue shirt to me. “You want to dump me just because I have grown old? How can you be so mean?! *sigh* ” Said my shirt in a very psenti tone.

“Hey hey… don’t try and cajole me into your emotional talk ok! Agreed that you’ve been my best companion for the past two years and 3 months but that does not mean you have to be showcased in my wardrobe forever”, said me. “After all everyone has to move on some day right?”

“Never knew you could be so selfish fundoo! What have I not done for you? I stayed in my true colors even when you kept immersing me into that cheap Nirma detergent soap. I retained my texture even when you dumped me in that torturous Whirlpool automatic washing machine every week. I remained loyal to you even after bearing burning shots from that hot iron. I earned numerous spots of oil and tea on sleeves because of your carelessness but I still stuck to the task. Now you want to get rid of me? How can you be so cruel?”, cried Blue.

*Author ponders*

May be ‘Blue’ is right. I am being unfair. What’s wrong with me? ‘Blue’ has always been by my side, whenever I needed it. Well but then there flies a second thought.

So what if Blue has been with me for 2 years? Have other clothes not served me too? So what if Blue has brought me good fortune whenever I wore it. So what if people always admired me for good dressing sense whenever I wore Blue. So what if I got admission to one of the country’s top b-school when I took interview wearing Blue. So what if the same Blue also witnessed me cracking my dream job post MBA. So what Blue has a few stray marks of tea on sleeves? So what if my Blue is growing old? After all it’s MY Blue.

I decided to keep Blue.

Eye em kaan-fused!

2005-03-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

For some reason I seem to have a penchant for this word, ‘virtual’! For some reason the difference between ‘virtual’ and ‘real’ has been my topic of interest for a while. For some reason, I always had a few questions in my mind and I *still* do not have answers to them:

Is a virtual friend different from a real friend?
Would you trust a virtual friend as much as you’d trust a real friend?
Are there no ‘genuine’ people in the virtual world?

~Confused fundoo

My Prized Possession

2005-02-25T04:30:00.000-08:00

My hostel room – the ambience and the paraphernalia – was now all packed up in two large bags and one larger suitcase. I would now be leaving the place forever. For the first time it hit me hard that ‘my room’ was a mere eight feet by twelve feet by ten feet enclosure; dark and arsenal-like. It had stood witness to many a turbulent struggle that my heart had waged and many an encumbrance that my mind had battled against. The carefully stuck posters of Preity Zinta, the white charts on the wall that flaunted proudly my scribbling of odd hours, the musky smell of my deodorant, haphazardly flung and strewn clothes waiting for the launderer; it had lived me just as I had lived in it. Till three minutes ago. Now, as I said, it was merely an empty eight feet by twelve feet by ten feet enclosure. A dark arsenal.

I surveyed the last remnants that lay derelict in the room – the castaways of the sojourn. Few sheets of papers – mostly hurriedly scribbled reminders of many a day, a pair of worn out slippers, and a couple of coat-hangers. These were the only things that I, despite my best efforts to be dispassionately decisive, was able discard as useless. Packing had been a painful exercise. Whenever I was faced with the situation of having to discard a particular object, I would really find myself at the horns of dilemma. I would immediately begin to nauseate myself with all the memories associated with the objects. And finally decide that I couldn’t do without it at all! Beneficiaries of these spasmodic moments of indecision were, among others, two rusted razors, bills of near by food joint, movie stubs, railway tickets, keychains, bottle caps, and even rupee coins and parchments that I had received from a special few! At the end of the packing ordeal, my heart had allowed me to leave behind only the aforesaid things. I surveyed the remnants one last time and was satisfied with the execution of my packing skills.

“Sir, when are you leaving the place?” It was the local sweeper. A gaunt person of average physical stature, he seemed to me the only and ubiquitous sweeper in the place. “Sir, if you don’t have any use for them…” He was indicating the slippers that lay below the table. Faced with a painful decision to make, my eyes, by now tinted with some gratuitous nostalgia, scrutinized the pair once more. The neglected slippers lay tattered. Bereft of shape and cut at the toes. But lenses of my eyes were wearing a different tint today: every time I had worn the slippers for a cricket match, I had never returned to the pavilion without making at least a twenty. By now the slippers were now almost a part of me, after having been with me through my triumphs and tribulations for the past two years. Every pore of the slipper now reeked of my sweat, my blood. Regardless of whether they had served me well or whether they had brought me good fortune, they had been a part and parcel of my lone stay through all these days. They were invaluable memorabilia in the most celebrated museum – my heart.

“You can take the slippers. I have no use for them anyway.” He needed to be told no more. At the slightest cue, he had reached out for the slippers. “Thank you, Saab. I shall be waiting just round the corner. Please call me if you have anything more left to give.” And his voice trailed away as he set about to resume his season-end quest in the next room, “Just round the corner, Saab.”

There was nothing for me to feel heavy about, I assured myself as I saw him turn into the corner. I had done a good thing. After all, to me, the slippers were unusable, mere artifacts, mere glasses showcasing the yesterday; to him they were the currency for a meal tomorrow. In fact, I had noticed a momentary glint of anticipation and contentment in his eyes. I was doing the right thing, the humane thing. After all, he was desperate for the stuff that henceforth will only be relegated to desuetude as mere adornments at some corner of my room. Even as he appeared within eyeshot, my eyes glimpsed at my inanimate co-passengers in a stretch of my cruise that was touted to be my best. What if they were all mine. What if they had brought me luck. What if they had lived though with me for the past two years. What if they reeked of me. What if they had been witnesses to my transformation from a diffident nobody to a confident and self-assured leader of men. What if they were my only floodgates to the portals of my golden years – my youth…

I ran up to him, grabbed the slippers from his sinewy hand and instead slid a fifty-rupee note into the now empty right palm as some sort of compensation and ran back to my room clutching dearly to my slippers. In no position to match his stare and offer an explanation for this daft act, I ran in and shut the door of my room behind me. The door closed on his shocked face that wore a gape, even as he stood paralyzed by my inexplicable act of insanity.

* Inspired by my friend ‘The Jack’ *

Anybuddy got answers?

2005-02-24T07:26:00.000-08:00

What is the value of beta to use if you are using triple exponential smoothing algorithm for forecasting demand of cold rolled steel sheets with seasonality index of 0.5 and alpha value of 0.2. What approximate value of gamma can be used for this purpose?

What is the probablity of stock out when demand data is following normal distribution with mean of 125? Do you need any more data to arrive at the answer?

If the data has 33% sparsity and follows Poisson’s distribution, what kind of forecasting algorithm will result in minimum MAD (Mean Average Deviation)?

The engine on Solaris machine fails to start if you kill processes using "kill –9 " command but it works fine when you use any other signal but 9! Why does that happen?

Grrrr… am I sounding insane? Won’t blame you if you thought so. I have been facing such questions for the past few days and have been busy understanding the questions in broken Jinglish (well Japanese English u see!) and then making them understand the answers. Phewwww…

Ye sab mere saath hee kyun hota hai? 8-)

Blogger sucks!

2005-02-24T04:07:00.000-08:00

For some reason I am not able to see comments beyond 15 on my blog! Have been receiving emails when people comment but can’t see those comments on blog! :( Anyone else facing this problem too???!!!

* Sighhhh *

Munnabhai MBBS (MBBS = Mein bhi Blogger Banega Saala!) :D

2005-02-17T07:02:00.000-08:00

Saala bahot din se soch rela tha ki apun bhi blog likhega. Abey chirkut… hasta kaayko hai bey? Doo kya ek kaan ke neeche? Arey apun padha likha nahin hai to kya hua. Apun ka dost log to hai na… saala ek baar bolega to 10 posting likh dega apun ke liye.

Abey oye pakya tereko maloom hai kya ye jo dreamcatcher hai na… bahot achchha likhti hai… itna achchha ki kabhi kabhi apun ko samajh me ich nahin aata. :O) Par saala padha likha nahin hai na apun… ab kya bolega

Aur ye Megha ke bare me kabhi suna hai? Baap kya ishtayil hai likhne ka. Aur tere ko maloom kya jab wo blog ka post ko reply karti hai to aisa lgata hai jaise apun ko bachpan se jaanti hai. :-)

Nupur bole to astra-alia aisa kisi jagah me raheti hai wo… abbey astra-alia nahin pata kya? Wo kangaroo jidhar me hota hai? Amrika ke bagal me ich hai... chal jaane de tere ko nahin samjega. Bole to wo bhi likhne me bilkul takkar ki hai bossssss.

Pakya sun… tere ko apun ek Hyderabadi ladki ke bare me bataata hai… aise ich wo ice cream ke saath me cup bhi kha leti hai… tabhi to itni moti 60 kilo ki ho gayi hai :D Naam? Arey rishtey me to wo hamari friend lagti hai… naam hai Shub! Kaafi padhi likhi hai boss. :O) Angrji bhi achchha likh leti hai.

Oye teri to… apun tere ko Nidhi ke bare me kuchh bataya ki nahin? Ees ishtayil bole to lambaa lambaa post likhne ka… aur haan post ko postiee bolne ka. Yaar lekin sahi me bolega to comments bahot sahi likhti hai bhidoo. Aur apun ko khana banaane ko aur bardhan dhone ko sikhati hai. :O)

Tipsy Topsy naam hai ooska. Tere ko maloom kya ye ladki ‘kisse khaaniya’ badi achchhi tarah sunaati hai.. arey bole to likhti hai. Aur apun ko insurance lene ka idea bhi oosine ich diya tha. Saala lekin apun ka insurane lene ko koi tayyar ich nahin hai! Pakya bol na… apun ki shakal into kharaab hai kya ki ek insurance nahin mil sakta apun ko?

Bhidoo agar ees duniya me koi hai jo apun ke jitna ich ye valentine bilentine nahin samajhti to wo hai Vanilla. Arey baap likhti kam hai par jab bhi likhti hai. Badhiya likhti hai. “Aisa bhi hota hai?!!”

Arey Pakya bahot log ke bare me apun ko bolne ka hai re… par abhi apun ka bijiness pe jaane ka time ho gayela hai. Ey pakya tu pata lagaa shaher ka sabse achchha blogger iskool kaunsa hai. Apun bhi blogger banega!

Pakya says… OH NOOOOOOOO, NOT AGAIN!

I survived it...

2005-02-15T21:41:00.000-08:00

16th February 2005. It was 5:51 a.m.! I was snoring away to glory, having lunch with Bill Gates in my dreams. :O) Ya ya I am serious!! We were supposedly having lunch at Bill’s home and Melinda had prepared Indian food for me. She knows I prefer Indian food to anything else (supposedly! :p ) Bill was offering more alu-parathas and curry. Both were talking to me in Hindi. I know I know this is sounding weird bit you’ve got not choice but to believe me. :D

Suddenly the table that we were sitting on started shaking. No one noticed it. The shaking became even more evident. None of us still noticed. I suddenly woke up! The reason? This shaking was happening in REAL and NOT in dreams! In fact I woke up thinking that some one was shaking my bed! Had I been staying my college hostel I wouldn’t have given it a damn and got back to sleep. My roomies are known to play such pranks on other people. But hang on… I stay alone here and I have no roomies to blame for this shaking!! :O)

THIS WAS AN EARTHQUAKE!! Everything was shaking! My bed and wardrobe and lamp and television and fridge and what not.... Dhan-Dhan-Dhan-Dhan… three ‘Dhans’ per second!!!! :O)

My first reaction – Horrified! Scared to death
Second reaction – Frozen in my bed
Third reaction – No reaction at all coz I stay on the 11th floor of a 20-storie apartment :(

The shaking went on for around a minute. The only thing I could do was sit back and pray to God to get me a parachute from somewhere so that I could jump off the window. I suddenly remembered death toll in Gujarat earthquake! I suddenly remembered I am yet to submit nominees of my bank account. I suddenly remembered I did not have life insurance. I suddenly remembered that jumping from 11th floor would also lead to the ‘same’ result. I suddenly remembered that I have tons of promises to keep before I bid adieu to this world.

The shaking stopped after a minute. That was the longest minute of my life. I was still alive! :O) I jumped out of my bed and opened the window, the scene outside was serene, calm as ever. No panic at all! As if no one even had notice what happened. I rushed to the set of documents in my room, which had information on ‘what to do when earthquake happens?’. I opened the file and read first line:

Earthquakes are very common in Japan. Don’t panic.

I never bothered to read next line. Switched off the light and went back to sleep. Now I wonder if that was a dream too. Wish it were! Phewww… it was a nightmare for sure! But I survived it.

What does it take to...

2005-02-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

What does it take to explain the same thing 10 times to your clients and face the same question 11th time? – Patience

What does it take to tell your boss that you just screwed up our chances of securing more business? – Another job at hand

What does it take go out on a chilly wintry evening for grocery shopping? – Majboori

What does it take to refuse a rose from a cute Japanese gal on a V-day? – Guts

What does it take to make sure this gal doesn’t feel bad about it? – Two words in Japanese

What does it take to eat the same vegetable lunch for straight 7 days in a row? – Lack of options

What does it take to talk to only one person at a time on YM? – Invisible mode

What does it take to burn Maggi second time in a row? – Extra ordinary culinary skills(!)

What does it take to blog even when you are neck deep in work? – Hmm? Any idea? :-)

Graduation Day!

2005-02-12T07:50:00.000-08:00

Today was the day to celebrate four years of slogging, four years of companionship, four years of bonds, four years of bliss and four years of lifetime!! The dean had just finished his speech at the engineering college convocation. There were cheers all around; everyone was ecstatic wearing those black outfits with elegant square hats. Cameras were busy capturing memories, pens were busy writing yearbooks, eyes were busy searching every possible acquaintance one had ever made in the past four years, and arms were busy hugging the best friends who’d probably never cross one’s path again.

Tum: I need to talk to you, Hum.
Hum: Ya?
Tum: Can you possibly spare a few minutes?
Hum: Hmm? Ok sure. Folks, excuse me. I’ll be with you in a minute.

* They started walking towards the beautiful trail, which had witnessed Hum and Tum spending N number of hours together *

Tum: Remember the last time we had taken a walk on this trail?
Hum: Of course I remember Tum. How can forget the excellent opportunity I had to pull your leg. Well you hardly had any hairs after that hair cut actually. :p
Tum: (Smiles) You boys will always remember things for all the wrong reason hmm... Huhh!
Hum: Ya ya, wish we could be psenti like you gals do. (Tries to tease Tum).
Tum: * Smiles again * Chuppppp!!

* Silence prevailed as they walked along the trail *

Tum: Hmm? Did you say something?
Hum: Oh, I though you wanted to say something. * Still in his jovial mood *
Tum: Ufffffffff
Hum: Ok ok… no more pathetic PJs. You’ve had enough of me in the last four years. I have decided to spare you today. :-)
Tum: You are too much.
Hum: Bass, hum to kuchh aise hee hain. :-)
Tum: Hum?
Hum: Ya?
Tum: The final day is here!
Hum: Hmmm…
Tum: And then everyone will be on his or her way. :-)
Hum: Haan. Everyone in search of a new sky for oneself, hai na? :-)
Tum: And what will remain with us will be fond memories, just memories.
Hum: Hmmm
Tum: I still remember the endless hours you’ve spent teaching me Trigonometry. Wonder how you could tolerate my dumb questions!
Hum: Don’t worry. I had championed the art of bearing you by then. :-)
Tum: * Smiles * You bet. Who else would cheer me up when I flunked my exams even after all the effort you put teaching me.
Hum: Or probably I was a pathetic teacher. :-)
Tum: Hum, it is this modesty of yours that made my four years here more than well spent. :-)
Hum: Oh c'on Tum. Now you are embarrassing me. :-)
Tum - Na na. I am serious Hum. I still remember the way you ran madly in search of doctor in the middle of the night when I broke my shoulder. I still remember the way you silently shared your sandwich with me when I dying of hunger. I still remember the hours we’ve spent on yahoo messengers and phone calls. I owe my four years of happiness to you Hum.
Hum: Ufff... enough embarrassment for the day ok? Just because I have not kept the count of endless favors that you have done to me, doesn’t mean you are any less important part of my life. :-)
Tum: You haven't change at all Hum.
Hum: And never I will never changed either. :-)
Tum - * Smiles *
Hum - Can't forget the two nights you spent at the hospital without even winking when I met that bike accident, tum. I owe my life to you. :-)
Tum - You being too generous Hum. * Her eyes had started becoming shiny. The droplets in her eyes had started a war to break free from her eye leads *
Hum - Wish I could do much more than just being generous Tum. How can I forget someone who spent endless hours arguing with professors to ensure I received the Tata Scholarship? How can I forget someone who never forgot to share every new dish that she ever prepared at home? How can I forget someone in whom I believe more than I believe in myself?
Tum - * Trying to hide the dew gathered in the corner of her eye. *
Hum – Hey hey hey! Ek baat kahoon?
Tum – Hmmm?
Hum – You are not good at hiding your tears ok? :-)
Tum – * Looks into his eyes, gives him a little punch on his shoulder and hides her face on his chest * * Couldn’t stop those tears from rolling down her cheeks *
Hum: * Holds her tight in his arms * * He could feel the warmth of her tears *

* No one talked for next minute and half. *

Tum: Hum…
Hum: Hmmm?
Tum: Promise me you’ll always remain happy with or without me being around?
Hum: Tum?
Tum: Haan.
Hum: Why would I be WITHOUT you around me?
Tum: Probably that is what our destiny has in store for us.
Hum: Tum? Are you alright?
Tum: Wish I were not.
Hum: Tum? What compels you to say so?
Tum: Hum, wanted to tell you something for a couple of days but just couldn't gather enough courage.
Hum: Sit here. Look into my eyes.
Tum: * She does *
Hum: Tell me. Kya baat hai?
Tum - Hum...

**** To be Continued ****

Disclaimer: The ramblings are purely product of author’s imagination and have no link what so ever with any living (or dead) human being (or otherwise). :D

Window seat, dreams and alu gobhi... hmm? Weird?!

2005-02-08T05:47:00.000-08:00

The railway station was jam-packed. The next train to Shinjuku was badly awaited. Was cursing the ticket machine for not printing the ticket soon enough… well actually it takes less than 10 seconds to buy ticket from that machine. But when when you had a meeting at 9:30 and you are on the railway station at 10:00 o’clock with 45 minutes journey still to go, these 10 seconds are likely to feel like an eon!

The train was arriving at the platform and I was still on the foot over bridge. I ran and managed to reach platform number two just before the train stopped. I was too anxious to let people get down and too lazy to travel standing over next 30 minutes so I barged into the train as soon the doors opened. To my pleasant surprise the train was almost vacant. I was ecstatic about catching hold of a nice window seat and that too at a busy hour like this! Never before had I had an opportunity to have a seat on the train so getting a window seat indeed was a bonus! Couldn’t thank Mumbai local trains for making me seasoned enough to capture trains in style in phoren too! Train journey to office sitting on a window seat! Wow!! I was jubilant at the thought of taking a nice quick nap (and dream about alu gobhi that I was going to have for lunch at the nearby Indian restaurant!).

BUT…

Little did I know that what would happen in next few seconds is going to destroy all my alu gobhi dreams! :O) What I would go through in next few seconds will ruin my aspirations to travel in a window seat in train. I saw people getting out of the train one after the other. What was even more surprising is that not a single person out of that ‘ocean’ of people was getting on to the train.

Guess what! This station was the last stop of that train! Duhhh… Uff… Oh… Err… Damn… ! :-(

No prizes to guess what happened next! The next train was dead crowded, I did not get a seat (forget a window seat), I couldn’t dream of alu gobhi and I couldn’t see in the eyes of any of the co-passenger coz these all had seen me breaking the queue on the platform and barging into the train. Goshhh… have never been embarrassed so much in my life!

Red Label chai...

2005-02-05T22:11:00.000-08:00

I just couldn’t see utter injustice being done to the Red Label tea packet that I brought from home. The pack was lying in one corner of kitchen unattended, catching dust. Felt as if the packet was telling me, please open me at least, you can’t be so cruel! Agreed that strawberry latte that you get here tastes much better than me but remember I have been with you in your good and bad times. Did you forget your nightlong slogging sessions during engineering when I used to accompany you all night? Did you forget the cold wintry mornings when I used be your life support? Did you forget your MBA days when you needed my support to take you through those grilling presentations and tests?

I realized my mistake. It was high time I valued Red Label’s contribution to what I am today. I apologized and made my mind to prepare tea today, come what may. Well now if you thought that making tea was a very easy thing to do and why the hell did I spend one whole post just tell you about it, you must read the torture I had to suffer for keeping the promise that I made to Red Label. I started preparing the list of things I’ll need to prepare tea.

Sugar – Yeah I think I have some sugar sticks, which I picked from restaurant last night.

Elaichi – Gosh, I refused to take packet of elaichi when mom was packing my bad. Will have to do without it. *Sigh*

Milk – Hailaaaa, I just finished the last dabba a few hours ago. Will need to go out in this darn cold. :O) Grrr… So much for preparing tea. I went out and bought milk can. This time 2 liter can so that I don’t have to worry abt it for next whole week. Huh…

Vessel – Hey bhagwaan! I have run out of all the pans. Can’t use any until I clean the backlog. Shackkkks imagine what happens to a pan when you prepare maggi in it and leave it unwashed for next 8 hours. Ya ya, I know dunn smirk now. I am lazy, so what? Everyone on this earth is. :D

Filter – Damn. I realized that Indian tea requires a filter too. After some hectic search through all the drawers of kitchen, I managed to find something like a filter. Was not sure whether that indeed was tea filter but thought won’t be a bad idea to use this for the time being.

Cup – Needed cleaning. I gave up and instead decided to have tea in a glass.

Finally, I was ready to prepare tea. Phewwwww… Tea however smelled good. Gave me a feel of real India! :-) The smell that you’d often experience when you happen to pass a Shankar Vilas Hindu Hotel that serves only tea! Oh not that my tea smelled *that* good but then something is always better nothing eh? Tea was ready! I was delighted! I hurriedly poured tea from pan to the glass. But oh heck, guess what, I forgot to use the filter. X-( Damn… had to pout tea back to the pan and clean the glass. This time I used the filter. But to add to my frustration, the filter filtered nothing! The pores very so huge that everything passed through the filter!!!

Now I was losing my patience. I gave a frowning look to the Red Label packet. Why the hell I listened to you Red Label? Why on the earth people think making tea is so easy? Why on this earth can one not have a decent filter in kitchen? I finally had to use the tambi technique to filter the tea. Ya ya, filter it using a thin cloth. :O)

I finally managed to have tea, which apparently did not taste as good as it smelled. But then I had this satisfaction of respecting my old mate Red Label’s aspirations. So much to prepare a tea! Red Label, never talk to me again, mein tumhari chikni chupdi baaton me aane wala nahin hoon. :D

Me still cleaning the pan, the glass and of course the thin cloth filter. *Sigh*!!

Priceless...

2005-02-05T21:45:00.000-08:00

This is my first attempt at plagiarism! Found these lines on Mehak Mehta's blog (http://missindependent.rediffblogs.com/):

Two pegs of whisky - 500 rupees
Four Tequilla shots - 1000 rupees
Six cans of beer - 300 rupees
Driving home the girl who drank all this - PRICELESS!!!

ROFL... just couldn't stop laughing for next 60 seconds when I read this! Boyyyy people can write so well! No wonder I have become a big time blog-hopper lately! Phew...

You rock!

2005-02-05T06:45:00.000-08:00

Reading was never my cup of tea and The Economic Times was the only reading I used to enjoy. But lately I have been reading lotza blogs, doing blog-hopping to be precise! [BTW blog-hopping happens to be a patented word in the bloggers world. Must give due to credit to the owner. Is the patent owner listening? :-)]

There is this blog that I stumbled upon some time back. Not too sure how I managed to reach this place but then I am glad I did. After having read the posts and getting to ‘know’ the author, I have a recommendation to make.

If straight from heart talk is your penchant
If truthfulness is what touches you
If you value true emotions
If incoherent ramblings appeal to you
If good sense of humor captivates you

Then this is must visit place for you!

It’d be grossly unfair to the budding writer, who also happens to be the author of the blog, if I did not introduce her to you all -

If someone can keep cordless phone in fridge, if someone can yap on YM for hours together, if someone can be a kiddo and still be so matured, if someone can fight with you if you remotely criticize her city, if someone can revert decision of closing down blog on a request from someone, if someone can be inspiration-to-write to someone; that can be none other than our sweet, adorable, chirpy, somewhat buddhu DC!

Dear DC, you made me realize that my choice of friends is much better than yours. :-) At the risk of sounding cliché let me tell you, you rock!!! :-)

This is a place where...

2005-02-03T05:35:00.000-08:00

This is a place where trains are always dead crowded and people still stand peacefully in queues to get in (gosh, can’t help remembering Mumbai local trains!)

This is a place where concrete jungles are so thick that artificial bird chirping sounds are required to make one feel of ‘life’

This is a place where people respect pedestrian signals so much that they won’t cross the road even if there is no vehicle in sight for miles

This is a place where you’ll almost never find trash in public places

This is a place where people bow so much and yet do not catch backache

This is a place where one can find people find operating their laptops on park benches and roadside seats

This is a place more than 95% wear suits at work (and give you inferiority complex)

This is a place where cab drivers are the most elegantly dressed people in the town

This is a place where you’d struggle to find a man with moustache

This is a place where people’s skin color is so white that it can easily be used for white paint advertisement (remember mera wala white?!)

This is a place where if you reach two minutes late for a meeting, people would have come and gone!

This is a place where the umbrella with long handle is still vogue

This is a place where cell phone is the fourth basic necessity after roti, kapda and makaan.

Welcome to Tokyo! :-)

You are the best!

2005-02-02T07:48:00.000-08:00

Bags are being packed; lists are being checked. Everyone is busy running around to get stuff in place. “The flight is at 1:30, hurry up son, its already 9:30 now.”, said dad. The food packets were pouring in from no-where and the flow was unstoppable. “Arey baba, how much stuff am I going to eat mom? Ab bass karo na.”, I said. But mom was in no mood to give up. “Keep quiet. You know a thing. You’ll remember me once you reach there and then there is nothing to eat.”, said mom.

“Uff… papa c’on, bolo na mom ko. I will definitely get something there. What am I going to do with so much food stuff!”, I argued. “You won’t realize it right now beta. You won’t find this home-made pickle there.”, dad tried to explain. “Pickle? And that papadam? Mom… I am not carrying all this stuff pk? Arey I am going to exceed the weight limit… and what if the customs people throw it away?”, now I was trying all sorts of stupid excuses. But then mom dictated her supremacy and finally I had to carry ‘most’ of the stuff that was lined up for me.

First day, I reached late, couldn’t have proper food. Next day, it snowed, I couldn’t venture out of the hotel. I was dying of hunger. Felt like eating WHATEVER I got first. I opened my bag and to my surprise(!) saw all the food I could have ever asked for in front of me. Each and every thing carefully handpicked, keeping in mind my tastes and preferences and likes and dislikes and what not. Imagine you are dying to eat something and suddenly you are presented with N number of options to choose from! Gosh, I had never enjoyed eating pickles and puris so much in my life.

In spite of my arrogance, stubbornness and excuses you stuck to your task mom and dad. I am glad you did not listen to my cribbing. I am glad you overruled my pointless arguments. I am glad you did not surrender to my whims and fancies. You are the best. :-)

Mujhe meri cooking se bachao!

2005-01-30T07:41:00.000-08:00

Starvation was at its peak. The feeling of ‘not-having-eaten-for-eons’ was slowly making its way. But the resistance to go out in the darn cold was equally strong. So, the very first decision that was taken was in the favor of cooking myself and not going out!!

Well well well… don’t get under wrong impression! I am neither an enthu cook nor a gourmet connoisseur. The problem at hand was how to feed my stomach without venturing out in the cold. I started unpacking my pack and started looking for can-be-cooked’ items. I managed unbundled the stuff and decorated (!) the kitchen but now the biggest question was now what? In the process of unpacking I had started feeling even hungrier. Needless to say I started cursing all sorts of people ranging from God to have instituted such hopeless weather to apartment owners not to be provide Indian food, to the Indian restaurant owner to put up his restaurant so far from my apartment, to the techie who cannot develop a technology to deliver food by email attachments! Huh, so much for eating!

The clock was ticking away and it was almost 10 o’clock. The Indian restaurant closes down at 10 and now the only option left out was to cook! And someone like me who hates cooking from the bottom of his heart, Maggi came as a welcome innovation. I just could not help but bless Nestle for inventing the world’s best product. (Oh well, guess I was a bit too hungry and hence the best award to Nestle!) Unfortunately in the process of preparing Maggi I ended up burning the bottom of the pan. Duh! Oh yeah, you guessed it right, Maggi got stuck to the bottom too. Grr… I was terrified at the thought of having to wash that sticky, black, $^%^@# vessel. Huh… and top of that Maggi tasted like; well, like something which I have tasted in my life before! :((

Phew, daane daane pe likha hai khaanewale ka naam but my name was written on no daana today. Gosh… mujhe meri cooking se bachaao! Grrrrrrrr...

Mission impossible!

2005-01-28T07:14:00.000-08:00

It is NOT possible for anyone…

To wake me up before 10 a.m. on a holiday
To change me from a teetotaler to a drinker
To expect me to forgive if they ever backstabbed me
To see me exercising diet control
To know my Swiss bank password :D
To stop me from eating golgappa at a road side joint
To deprive me of hot cup of ilaichi tea on a cold day morning
To bring my school days back
To not let me get wet in the first rain of the season
To part me from my fond memories
To stop me from posting more such crap on blogspot :)

HumTum

2005-01-27T12:03:00.000-08:00

Place: International airport in an Indian metro city
Time: 11 p.m.
Situation: Hum’s eyes searching someone at the airport. The US flight leaves at 2 a.m.

Hum – Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Thought I won’t be able to see you for next two years.
Tum – Do you think you can get away without saying goodbye to me? *Chuckles*
Hum – Well… *Smiles*
Tum – So all set?
Hum – Yes. Umm well kind of.
Tum – Kind of? Why?
Hum – Bas aise hee.
Tum – Hmmm
Hum – Am going to miss everyone here.
Tum – I can understand.

* Silence prevails. No words spoken for next 30 seconds *

Hum – So?
Tum – Yeah?
Hum – I think I’ll need to get going for immigration in next few minutes.
Tum – Hmmm. Did you take the medicines which aunty was talking about? And Chyavanprash? It’s going to be cold out there.
Hum - * Smiles * Haan meri maa… sab kuchh bhar diya hai bag me.
Tum – Bag me bhar to liya hai lekin roz subah khana bhi hai theek hai? Milk ke saath.
Hum – Arey baba theek hai. Kha loonga na.
Tum – Hmmm :)
Hum – Aur tum bhi apna khayal rakhna ok?
Tum – Hmmm. I will.
Hum – Aur haan. Emails ka reply jaldi se karma. International phone calls bahot expensive hain. :)
Tum – Hmmm. But you’ll be very busy there right?
Hum – Well I don’t mind sparing a few minutes for some stupid people.
Tum – *Smiles shying*

* Silence for next 1 minute.

Hum – Tum…
Tum – yeah?
Hum – I don’t want to go.
Tum – What?
Hum – I am serious.
Tum – Don’t be silly.
Hum – I’ll be silly if I would go.
Tum – Hum? What are you saying? I don’t understand.
Hum – Look into my eyes and tell me you did not understand what I just said.
Tum - *Tries to avoid eye contact and tries to look elsewhere*
Hum – Tum?
Tum – * Looks into Hum’s eyes *
Hum - * Sees tears fighting to overflow Tum’s green eyes * I think I got my answer. :)
Tum – You idiotttttt… *tears burst out her cheeks and she ran into Hum’s arms *
Hum – Idiot? Me hmm???
Tum – It took you three long years so get your answer hmm. :)
Hum – Nah Tum. I had got my answer on the day when you quit Wipro soon after I did. What else can explain leaving a well paying job for no reason? :)
Tum – Why did you take so long to speak it out? You silly. You are telling me NOW, when you are about to leave the country for two long years!
Hum – Arey pagli, if I had not told this today, I probably could never have done that. :)
Tum – Hum, I too don’t want you to go. But your two years spent are for ‘our’ future right? :)
Hum – Hmmm.
Tum – Will miss you Hum.
Hum – Don’t make going away tough for me tum.
Tum – No I will not Hum. I know I will always be with you in your thoughts.
Hum – Why do you trust me so much?
Tum – Did I ever ask you, why you love me so much? :)
Hum – * Wipes her tears and holds her cheeks in his palms * Tum, you are the best. :)
Tum - * Smiles * Don’t I always tell you that my choice is better than yours?
Hum – Aha! Well I don’t think I’ll differ on that. :)
Tum – Youuuuuuuuu * smiles *

Silence prevails for while...

Tum - You don't want to miss your flight, do you?
Hum - I know I am going to miss a lot of things.
Tum - You better :)

Hum leaves and Tum keeps seeing him go with soaked eyes. But she knew that Hum will back soon, very soon!

Disclaimer - This story is a produce of authot's vella mind and has no connection to any living (or dead :p ) human being on this earth.

Project Bhindi

2005-01-27T03:44:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend last night and somehow we ended up talking about food. And food being mutual area of interest, we jumped onto the topic. The discussion somehow landed us into a sweet quarrel where we started competing for an award of worst cook between us. :D Contrary to bragging about her culinary skills she started narrating, how she managed to burse a cake! This was a wonderful opportunity to remember some of my cooking adventures and I wasted no time to grab the opportunity to narrate my story of culinary adventures to her. Thought may I should share the episode with you all too.

So, the story goes like this. Once upon a time there were these three guys who were sharing an apartment in a far away phoren country. Yours truly happened to be one of them. Bhindi happens to be yours truly’s favorite sabzi and one fine evening he felt like eating bhindi masala. So despite stiff resistance and utter reluctance of roomies yours truly started preparing Bhindi on one fine evening. (That’s what you call influencing without power you see ;) ). Well well we bought some nice bhindis cleaned them with water (and of course with care), chopped the sabzi and started preparing my favorite dish. In fact I had already started dreaming about relishing the sabzi buth garma garam chappatis with lots of desi ghee on it.

The project kicks off successfully.

Scene 1 – Bhindi starts sizzling in while. But to our horror, the sabzi started becoming sticky. And when say sticky, it mean yuckkkk sticky. :O The culprit? We never dried bhindis after washing them. :O An emergency was declared and burner was switched off.

As a part of the strategy the cook at helm (well actually yours truly) gives an idea to add boiled potatoes into the sabzi to reduce the stickiness. After a long discussion (read debate) the head cook (well yours truly, who else?) manages to receive an approval from roomies. The plan was put into action.

Scene 2 – The burner is turned on again and boiled potatoes are added to the pan. Now for some reason the cooking team unanimously decided to mesh the potatoes to quicken the stickiness reduction activity. The result was visible in just 10 more minutes. THE STICKINESS DID NOT GO! : Instead the whole stuff become became hard like a chappati atta!! :~) So hard that we could no more move the stuff inside the pan.

Damnnnn…

My roomies were on the verge of losing patience. In fact they had already started repenting to agree to my offer of preparing bhindi. :D But then, yours truly still had a few ideas to offer. It was decided that the hardened (so-called) sabzi could be softened by adding some water to it!!!! The idea met immediate protests. (Well they had every right o proest anyway ;) ) The atmosphere was turning violent. The roomies were going mad but then they had no other option but to listen to the head cook. ;) Oh yeah, I used my authority of chief chef to the fullest! My idea was approved again.

Scene 3 – Water is added. But in a few mintes’ time we realized that the sabzi had started looking like anything but sabzi. The stickiness had increased manifold. That extra-bit of water had done enough damage to the sabzi (and to yours truly’s reputation :O ).

The output of ‘Project Bhindi’ was terrifying. I could swear by anything on this earth but this sabzi. Gosh, this could not be called ’sabzi’ from any angle. After this 1 hour marathon and umpteen sentiments attached to bhindi it was very hard to dump the output of project bhindi into dust bin. My heart cried out loud and my heart was heavy. Wish I could eat ‘that’ bhindi ka sabzi for which I had been longing for so long.

But then bhindi bhindi pe likha hai khane wale ka naam!! The cockroaches in some far away gutter must have had a fest that night. *sigh* Bhindi meri jaan! But then now I have one consolation to offer to myself. After listening to the Project Bhindi episode, the friend whom I was talking to had no option but to concede defeat. I won the worst cook award! :)

Nostalgia...

2005-01-25T08:29:00.000-08:00

Had started writing a post some time back just couldn’t find enough words to punch-in here. For some reason writer’s block was overwhelmingly strong. I was just when I ws thinking what to write, that I happened to read this post on blog. Well actually I have been visiting this blog pretty regularly these days. For some reason, I find postings on this blog appear very close to real life! Well well well, before you ask me which blog am I talking about, let me tell you that I am going to keep the identity of the 'author in question' anonymous for confidentiality reasons. I don’t want to be caught plagiarizing you see ;) (Coincidentally my previous post also had a reference to a blog written by someone. I better ‘appear’ original to readers. :-) ) Credibility at at stake yaar!! :p

Well coming back to the ‘blog in question’, the posting was about some nostalgic moments… it was about picnicking with friends, it was about eating, Eat was about singing at the top of one's voice, it was about playing dumb charades with wierdest movie names, it was about throwing pranks on people, it was about talking crap and still making sense, it was about acting carefree and still appear responsible, it was about making new friends and tightening the existing bonds, it was about getting to know people better… huh the list was endless. The post was crafted in such a wonderful way that it was difficult to resist feeling nostalgic.

Must say the author has a distinctive style… she has a knack to speak straight from heart, her writing has a charm to leave you gasping for more, she has way with words and above all she has a good habit of responding quickly to comments. :)

Want to write more but the clock says it’s time to hit the sack. May be I’ll get a reason to make a new posting when ‘the author in question’ comes up with another masterpiece. :) Are you listening 'author in question'? :)

v i r t u a l * e n c h a n t m e n t

2005-01-09T01:48:00.000-08:00

Sunday afternoon... you are in office, configuring some complex software… you are done writing all the required scripts and preparing requisite XML… you click the ‘configure’ button… and now you know that you have nothing better to do next hour and a half until the machine digests all the information that you have loaded it with. Well well well… basically your office cubical turns into an air-conditioned cyber café where you can enjoy a cup of coffee and explore (or exploit!) the 100 MBPS high-speed internet connection at will!! :)

It was one of those weekends when I was browsing through the net. I happened to bump into a journal titled "v i r t u a l * e n c h a n t m e n t". The latest post was on the author’s views on the recent Shah Rukh Khan blockbuster ‘Swades’… the post was aptly titled ‘We, The People’. Impressive enough to lure me into reading the content fo sure... I went on to read the post and believe me I was “really enchanted’ by this ‘virtual enchantment’!! Profound and yet realistic, simple and yet inspiring, straight forward and yet well composed… the writing simply made me admire the way author could actually relate common men, “We, the people” to “Swades, We the people”.

Well now my encounter with virtual * enchantment did not end there. I ended up spending two full days reading all the posts on this blog snd I am glad I did. The journey through this blog was inspiring. The way author could relate thoughts, imagination, feelings, ramblings, reality left me spellbound. I left a comment on the blog and received a warm response from the author… Noteworthy is the fact that the author has a huge fan following and she still managed to find time to write back to someone ‘anonymous’. Thanks a lot pal. Your journal is on my favorites list now. :) And don’t be surprised if your writing ends up inspiring me to become a writer too. :)

-Me

Want to become a boss?!

2005-01-07T00:12:00.000-08:00

Once you become a boss, you:

Become isolated in a huge glass cabin
Cannot chat on messengers
Cannot wear headphones and enjoy music while working
Cannot socialize in company pantry every now and then
Cannot bunk meetings
Cannot go unshaven to office
Cannot leave the office in the afternoons for a quick two hour shopping
Cannot act bossy else resignation letters will start flowing in

Uff uff, does anyone still want to become a boss? I don’t. ;)

What makes life beautiful?

2005-01-05T01:31:00.000-08:00

Cycling on a rainy day
Playing in mud and snow
Winning matches for cricket team
Sleeping long hours on a cold day
Reading The Economic Times
Eating golgappa at a roadside joint
Traveling by an air-conditioned Volvo buses and high speed trains
Seeing aircrafts take off and land
Walking bare feet on beach
Accepting blessings (with auspicious 11 rupees) from house maid while taveling abroad
Having a ice gola with orange color on a scorching hot day
Singing Jana Gana Mana... on 15th Aug and 26th Jan
Listening to Atal Bihari Vajpayee at his best in Lok Sabha
....
...
..
.

Liking vs Loving - worth a debate!

2005-01-05T00:57:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been falling in love with Swades songs! It is very rare of me to like all songs of a movie… the last time it happened was with DDLJ… quite a while huh!!! Ok ok… I seem to have a weird taste for music, eh? (Dunn give me those weirdo looks :p) Well, actually not that I didn’t like any songs post DDLJ but then there has to be a difference between liking and loving, what say? ;)

Virtual reality!

2005-01-05T00:56:00.000-08:00

Wonder if people lose their ‘real’ identity as they indulge in activities online! Is that jovial, ever smiling, supposedly outspoken, garrulous, carefree chap exactly the same in real life as he is on yahoo or MSN chat? Or is this new identity, a mask that one wears just to appear friendly and NICE to someone who cannot see you but can just hear you or read your writings? Or may be is it just a way to open up and become what you always wanted to be! Just a thought…

Damn… now stop laughing, I can ‘think’ too, ok! :) Uff uff…

Resolution for 2005!

2005-01-03T06:20:00.000-08:00

I decided to start this New Year with something different! But then there are certain rituals that HAVE to be followed each year… like making New Year resolutions. I always make it a point to make a resolution on 1st January. Let me quickly tell you about my past three New Year resolutions:

Resolution for 2002 – I’ll brush my teeth before going to bed too.
Resolution for 2003 – I’ll brush my teeth before going to bed too.
Resolution for 2004 – I’ll brush my teeth before going to bed too.

Oh, did I make mistake while typing my resolutions?? Nah!
Then? Is there any difference among the three? Yeah!
What?
Well, the first one was broken on the 4th Jan and the other two on the 2nd Jan (of the respective years of couse) !! :D

So now, my resolutions don’t seem to be working well. Didn’t want to cheat myself by making same resolution and ever year and then not standing by it. *Getting psenti now* So this time I have decided to make a firm resolution and I promise to stand by it forever. Oopzz… ohh… errr… forever? Well ok, yes, forever!

But what is my resolution for 2005?

Resolution for 2005 – I make a resolution, not to make any more resolutions! :D

Ahem Ahem!

-Me

BIG plans!

2004-12-31T02:12:00.000-08:00

Its new year's eve! People are rushing home to celebrate the day with their near and dear ones! I have BIG plans too! Wanna know?? Then read on:

Friday 31st Dec 2004 - Slog in office for 12 hours at least
Saturday 1st Jan 2005 - Slog in office for 12 hours at least
Sunday 2nd Jan 2005 - Slog in office for 12 hours at least

I am thrilled and excited and what not! x-(

Nicky, Soumya and Supriya... uff uff uff!!

2004-12-26T01:55:00.000-08:00

Two years are coming to an end! Time indeed flies...

Still remember my first day on campus. I was scared to death to see the college hostel. A shabby looking unpainted building, prone to collapse even by wind forget earthquake, a single room to be shared by three people, 4 lavetories to be shared by 40 people, all kinds of living insects conspicuous on the bathroom floor... damn I wanted to run away on the very first day! But then my heart received a temporary solace when I saw the list of the hostel's inhabitants. There were three names in the list that gave me a major cultural shock! Nicky Sharma, Soumya Mukherjee and Supriya Das!!! Errrr… how can gals be put up in a boys (only) hostel?!! Not that I was complaining though… in fact that probably was hope of an oasis in a desert called boys’ hostel which I was about to ditch. I changed my mind! :D

But then what happened the next day can hardly be described in word here. The first guy I meet in the morning, in shabby shorts and stinking baniyan was Soumya Mukherjee aka Shomu da! Uff Soumya was a guy?!?! I couldn’t believe my (bad)luck but I was still hopeful. Optimistic that I am! That evening one kiddo type chap enters my room asking:

“Can I pick up the luggage I kept in your room yesterday?”
“Sure, you can.”
“Hey by the way I am Nicky. Nicky Sharma!!!”

Booooooom… my optimism evaporated in thin air. The agony of having to stay in a shabby hostel multiplied manifold. I was pretty much convinced that the institute administration was prudent enough not to give cultural shocks to new comers. And I was so right, Supriya turned out to be a guy too. L

Well two years have already passed since then and these folks have become my best mates. But even now we enjoy a hearty laugh when look back and remember those days.

-Me

I am a newbiee!!

2004-10-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

I always liked this concept of blogging. Speak your mind aloud and you can be rest assued that no one will complain! I often visited blogs created by my friends, but somehow could never thought of owning one of my own. Well the reasons are manifold:

1. I am not a good writer. Thank god you wudn't know my English teacher in school. She'd have revealed all the secrets(?) otherwise :D

2. I kept wondering, what the hell am I gonna write?

3. I don't know for how long am I gonna be able to keep writing even if I start writing something.

Well have finally decided to take a chance though. Do keep checking this spce in case dunn have anything better to do. :)

-Me